Return To Innocence
by Emma Barrows
Summary: How far will you actually go for the one you love? As far as murder?
1. The Break Up

**Return To Innocence**

**Chapter 1-The Break Up**

"Hey, Maddie? Did you hear? Alex Carter just got an award for bravery from the Ministry of Magic! He faced 3 Death Eaters and got away by using the Stunning Spell!" gushed my best friend, Lily Evans as she jogged up to me as I was walking down the opened corridor that was outside. It connected one part of the castle to another. There was also a covered bridge that led from the 3rd floor of one part to the matching floor on another. Opened archways lined the corridor and bright sunlight streaked in through them creating bars of orange light on the leaf scattered floor.

"Big deal," I scoffed rolling my eyes. "I'm guessing he's going around gloating?"

Lily snorted. "And what else would you expect?"

I sighed. "At least Eric isn't like him,"

Eric Faster was my boyfriend. My name is Maddie Weston. I'm 17 years old with shoulder length wavy dark blond hair and chocolate brown eyes. Both Lily and I were dressed in the Gryffindor uniform and robe. The uniform consisted of: a grey pleated skirt, a grey V-necked sweater vest with the maroon/gold stitching along the neckline, a white winged shirt under the sweater vest, a maroon/gold striped tie that was tucked into the sweater and a black hooded robe with the Gryffindor crest embroided on it. It was December so the air took on a chill and the sky was pink, threatening snow shortly. Lily had her hood pulled up so only her shoulder length light auburn hair was visible over each shoulder. Lily was about to reply when a group of people, mostly girls, who followed a guy I recognized as Alex, approached us.

"Aw shit," Lily muttered. "We're going to have to endure hearing about the heroic details of Arrogant Boy."

I snickered.

Alex stood in front of Lily and I. He was the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He was tall, athletic and totally handsome with sharp, well chiseled features. He had short, thick blond hair and blue eyes. He was wearing the robe and uniform, except boys wore black slacks instead of skirts. The group of girls surrounding him were a mix of houses and years. Alex flashed us a big grin.

"Why hello girls," he purred. "How are you?"

"I'm just fine," Lily replied in a forced polite tone.

Alex didn't acknowledge her, but kept his eyes on me.

"Maddie, would you like to go to the Winter Dance with me? I know its in two weeks, but I'd like to make reservations early, incase a dozen other girls want to go with me,"

_God, he's so full of himself! _I thought irritably.

He put an arm around my shoulders. The other girls looked at me enviously. I disgustedly lifted his arm off my shoulders and stepped closer to Lily.

"Sorry, Alex I have a boyfriend. You should know that already. You keep asking me out and I keep turning you down. When are you going to get the gist?" I demanded.

"When you come to your senses and realize that Eric is a loser," he crooned in an oily tone.

"Eric isn't a loser," I said angrily. "He's certainly not arrogant, which is more than what I can say for you."

With that, I grabbed Lily's arm and we brushed past Alex, continuing down the corridor. Lily pulled down her hood and burst out laughing once we were out of range.

"He's like a love sick puppy! He doesn't give up!" she roared with laughter.

"He's also a pompous jerk," I added firmly.

Lily and I entered the main part of the castle and headed up to the library where we found our 3rd best friend, Remus Lupin studying at a table near an opened window. A cold gust of wind blew in, ruffling the pages of the opened textbook that lay flat open in front of him, and ruffled some strands of his light brown hair. His Prefects badge caught the light. His robe was opened exposing the grey sweater vest and tie. The badge was pinned above the Gryffindor crest on the robe. He was pouring over the book and didn't look up as we entered and went over to him. I took a seat next to him.

"Geeze Remus, it's like a barn in here!" Lily scolded as she closed the window and took a seat across from us.

Remus raised his blue eyes to meet hers. "I don't feel the cold remember?"

"Yeah, but the rest of us don't have that 'super' power," she said meaningfully.

Remus raised an eyebrow at her before he turned his eyes onto mine.

"What's wrong, Mads?" he asked in a soft tone.

He was the only one I allowed to call me 'Mads'. His light brown hair was the same color as wheat.

"Alex," I muttered. "Being arrogant and pompous as usual."

"I'm guessing you heard about the bravery award," Remus said as his lip twitched.

Lily and I rolled our eyes. "The whole school heard," I replied sarcastically.

"He asked Maddie out to the dance," Lily informed Remus.

"He doesn't give up, does he?" Remus chuckled.

"Ooh, he gets under my skin," I shivered.

"Hey guys listen, I've gotta meet James. I'll see you two later," Lily said giving me an odd wink a she got up and left the library. I looked after her with a puzzled expression on my face, but then turned to Remus.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked curiously and intrigued.

"A book on Lycanthropy," he replied keeping his eyes on the text book.

"Ah," I said wisely.

I was best friends with a group of great people. Lily, Remus, James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. Lily was kind, caring, and thoughtful. She stood up for what she believed in. James was the arrogant one, at times, but nothing like Alex. James had untidy black hair and blue eyes which were behind a pair of black, thin rimmed glasses. He was the Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Sirius was the handsome flirt that all the girls had a crush on. He had wavy, thick black hair and hazel eyes. His features were also sharp and well defined. Peter was chubby and short with dark brown hair and watery, beady brown eyes. Finally, Remus was tall and lean with the light brown hair the color of wheat and blue eyes. He was the Prefect again this year. Remus was more of a bookworm but he was a generous person that didn't hesitate to help anyone in need of assistance. Sirius and James were the practical jokers. They always played pranks on the younger years. Peter adored Sirius and worshipped him and James. Me? I was a free thinker and spoke my mind. Of course, I would never tell anyone the secret that we all shared. Remus was a werewolf and James, Sirius and Peter were un-registered Animagi's to keep Remus in line when he changed once a month.

Sirius was a black dog, James, a stag and Peter a rat.

I thought Remus was handsome, but for some reason, he turned down all the girls' that had asked him out.

Just then, Eric entered the library. He spied me but had a grave expression on his face. I felt a bit uneasy and I turned to Remus.

"There's Eric. I'll talk to him and be right back okay?" I said softly as I put a hand on his arm. I got up and went over to Eric.

REMUS.

Maddie got up and headed over to Eric. When she touched my arm, I felt a tingly sensation run through my body. I raised my eyes, abandoning the Lycanthropy book and just watched Eric and Maddie interact.

I felt a twinge of jealousy. Over the past two years, I'd fallen in love with Maddie. We've known her since our first year and we had become extremely close. The only one that knew my true feelings was Lily. Maddie was beautiful. Besides Eric being a Slytherin, there was something about him that I didn't like. Even James and Sirius had picked up on it and agreed. We tried to explain to Mads our feelings, but she blew up at us stating that we were judging him because he was a Slytherin and we hated them. That was part of the reason, but not the whole thing.

I watched as Eric said something and Maddie's expression turned serious. I was the only one she had allowed to call her Mads. I now listened intently as their voices got loud and clear but only when Mads voice hardened that I became fully alert.

"What are you getting at?" Maddie was saying folding her arms over her chest.

"I'm saying that I want to break up. I found someone else," Eric was saying.

I felt my fingers dig into the edge of the table and I felt a low growl forming in my throat.

_What a jerk! How could he DO this to her? She doesn't deserve it! _ I thought angrily.

"What's her name?" Maddie demanded.

"Ellie Fisher,"

"One of my best friends!" Maddie exploded. "How could you Eric? I thought you cared about me!"

"I do!" Eric replied. "But Ellie's willing to put out more. I have needs but you weren't filling them."

At that, Maddie slapped him. "Just because I won't have sex with you, you're going to dump me? Screw you!"

Maddie's chocolate brown eyes were filled with tears. Eric went to take a step toward her as though to hit her, but in a flash I was out of my seat standing protectively next to her. I narrowed my eyes at Eric and folded my arms over my chest.

He backed away as soon as I appeared. I think he was shocked that I had reacted so fast. He gave Mads a smirk before turning around and heading out of the library. I lowered my arms and turned to Maddie, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"You okay?" I asked worriedly.

Maddie didn't answer. Instead she turned into me and slumped against me, pressing her face into my chest. She wrapped her arms around me and began sobbing. I couldn't bring myself to hug her back out of total shyness. I cleared my throat and felt the heat rising in my cheeks.

"I can't believe what a prick he was!" Maddie sobbed into my chest. "After all, I loved him and he goes and does this?"

"Were you in love with him?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Maddie sniffled and pulled back from the one way embrace. She still remained close to me though. Her cheeks were tear stained and her eyes were red and puffy as she looked at me.

"N-No," she replied finally and truthfully. "I don't know. Maybe I expected it."

She sighed.

I looked at her. "That is no excuse! You don't deserve that kind of treatment! Nor does Eric deserve someone like you."

Maddie managed a smile. "You're so sweet. Why can't I find a guy like you?" she said softly.

_If you only knew how I really felt about you_. I thought.

"Come on," Maddie said wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "The group of misfits are probably wondering where we are."

Maddie and I left the library and headed to the Gryffindor common room. As soon as we entered, Lily must've sensed something was wrong because she pulled me aside. Maddie sat down on the couch and James, Sirius and Peter crowded around her as she explained to them what happened.

"What happened?" Lily whispered to me.

"Eric dumped her for Ellie stating that Mads didn't put out enough," I explained.

"What a bastard," Lily sighed.

I nodded. "Mads hugged me but I couldn't bring myself to hug her back,"

Lily grinned. "You were shy huh? Mooney, she turned to you for comfort. She WANTED to he held."

"She probably thinks I'm cold," I groaned.

"I doubt it," Lily said firmly. "She knows you. She would never think that."

"Then she said "Why can't I find a guy like you?" after I told her that Eric didn't deserve her,"

"See? She was telling you that you're a great guy…but we know that already,"

"Sure, but I'm no Alex Carter either," I rolled my eyes.

Lily looked at me stunned. "Remus you are a good looking guy. If I wasn't dating James I'd go out with you in a heart beat. But why did you turn down those girls that asked you out?"

I just muttered something incoherent. Lily smiled.

"You were hoping for Maddie weren't you?"

Again I muttered.

"Well, now's your chance. Eric broke up with her. Give her some time then ask her out," Lily said.

"No," I said firmly. "Just forget it okay?"

I turned and sat down on the couch next to Maddie, but she had gotten up and headed into the girls' dorm. Lily sat beside me. James, Sirius and Peter all headed to the boys' dorm.

"Maddie's beautiful," I said quietly. "She deserves a handsome guy like Alex and someone who'll treat her like a queen. What could I possibly offer her?"

Lily's eyes were briefly filled with annoyance. "Maddie hates Alex and anyone like that! Secondly, you'd have plenty to offer her! You're unselfish, caring, gentle, funny, kind-Need I go on?"

"I'm a werewolf," I said raising an eyebrow at her.

"She doesn't care, Mooney! Go talk to her-oh wait. I'll send her out," Lily said and before I could protest, she got up and headed into the girls' dorm. A few minutes later, Maddie stepped into the common room. She was dressed in a pair of blue navy flannel plaid pajama bottoms and a white tank top with spaghetti shoulder straps. Her blond hair was pulled into a sloppy tucked ponytail and several short strands hung down against her shoulders. She took a seat next to me and tucked one leg under her, facing me. The orange glow from the fire reflected off her, making her look even more beautiful. The tank top was tight and clung to her upper body nicely.

"Lily said you wanted to ask me something?" she asked.

I could see the ordeal with Eric really hurt her and bothered her. I didn't blame her. I wanted to kill him myself.

MADDIE.

I curiously watched Remus. I was a bit more cheerful after hearing that Sirius wanted to tear Eric a new A-Hole and that on some level, Alex was right about Eric being a loser.

I began thinking of Remus. I've known him for 6 years along with the others. Remus and I just seemed to 'click' and I could go to him for any problem (naturally girl related I went to Lily) I began feeling bad about blowing up at Remus and James when they tried to tell me their feelings about Eric. Remus was always there for me when I needed him.

"I'm such an ass," I said. "Remus, you tried to warn me about Eric and I blew up at you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Remus said rubbing the back of his neck. "We were just looking out for you."

"I appreciated it," I said earnestly. "But I still shouldn't've blown up at you and James like that."

Remus smiled. "It's okay, really,"

"It's not," I insisted. "You guys were just being protective. I should have known Eric was a loser beforehand."

Remus shook his head. "Forget it alright? It's over with."

"Deal," I said. "You going to the dance?"

The winter dance was next week, just before Christmas.

"Probably not," Remus replied. "A-I've got no one to go with and B-I've got a load of work to finish."

"Oh," I said disappointed. "Cause I was wondering if you'd like to go with me as friends but you're too busy."

REMUS.

Maddie looked disappointed, but I was too nervous to actually accept. Naturally, it was a lie about having a lot of work, but the shyness took over. I felt my heart melt but I couldn't bring myself to say 'yes'. I finally managed to spit out an apology.

"I-I'm sorry, Mads," I stammered.

Maddie raised her eyes. "It's okay. I hope someone would like to take me,"

"Oh someone definitely will," I said quickly and earnestly. "You're great. Why not?"

Mads smiled and put a hand over mine before she got up.

"Night," she said.

"Night,"

Shortly, I too, headed off to bed wishing the shyness would go away.


	2. Winter Magic

Return To Innocence

Chapter 2-Winter Magic

The dance arrived on a Wednesday. Word got around that Maddie had broken up with Eric. Girls offered condolences while the guys tried to hit on her. We were walking down the corridor to our next class when a 7th year Ravenclaw checked Maddie out and ended up falling over another students school bag. The dance was tonight.

"Ugh," Maddie said disgustedly. "I feel like a piece of meat."

"You do know what would solve that right?" Sirius asked. "If you accepted someone's offer to date you."

"I don't have to go out with someone just to make others happy," Maddie snapped.

"She's right," Lily said firmly.

I adjusted the strap of my bag that hung over my left shoulder as we continued to walk.

"Hey baby," cooed a 6th year Hufflepuff to Maddie. "Want to go out with me?"

Maddie scowled. "No! Quit asking me!"

The 6th year backed away and we entered the Potions classroom. I took a seat then Maddie took a seat next to me. Behind us were Lily and James, and behind them Sirius and Peter. I reached into my bag and pulled out parchment, quills and an ink bottle. Maddie and I were sharing a cauldron. Alex entered the classroom and made a bee line straight for Maddie.

"So I heard you're still not dating anyone yet. My offer still stands if you're interested," Alex purred.

"I'd rather chew off my own foot," Maddie said coldly.

"Come on Maddie," Alex pressed as he put a hand on hers.

Maddie yanked her hand away. "No,"

"You honestly don't know what you're missing," Alex cooed as he tried to touch one of her touch her cheek, but Mads slapped it away.

"Flake off," Maddie snapped. "The answer is N. O."

Alex went to grab one of her breasts, but my arm shot out and grabbed his hand in mid-air. I was gripping his hand so tightly that he was cringing. I glared at him with pure menace.

"Touch her and I'll rip you apart," I growled. "She said no. Leave her alone."

Alex looked spooked and hurried to the back of the classroom.

I heard Lily and James whispering behind us. Mads looked at me gratefully.

"Thanks, Mooney," she said with genuine gratefulness.

I didn't reply. Alex was really pushing my buttons. He probably will be at her again no doubt in a few days because I know I really scared him just now. He'll wait then try again.

_Someone's definitely going to have to do something about that guy, _I thought angrily. I waited for Professor Dawes to come into the room.

MADDIE.

I was really grateful toward Remus for what he did. I turned to him.

"Can you believe him? He's got balls of iron!" I said as I shook my head.

"Yeah I know," Remus replied.

Truthfully, I began wondering what it would be like to date him, but I wasn't sure how he felt toward me. I wouldn't want things to be too weird between us but I really cared about him.

Professor Dawes finally entered the classroom and the lesson began.

Lily convinced me to go to the dance. I reluctantly agreed and got dressed. I was standing in front of a full length mirror in the girls' dorm. Remus naturally headed off to the library. We were able to wear Muggle dresses and tuxedos but of course the Slytherins declined. A few weeks before we had gone to Hogsmeade and there was a shop there that sold Muggle and magical clothing. So Lily urged me to purchase a soft lilac dress with spaghetti shoulder straps and beading along the neckline and hem. I looked at myself in the reflection. I had curled my hair using a spiral curling charm and applied light purple eye shadow and pink blush, with soft pink lip gloss. I had amethyst drop earrings and the matching necklace around my neck.

"Maddie you look hot!" Lily gushed. She was dressed in an ivory dress that hung off the shoulders, light blue eye shadow and clear lip gloss. I turned away from the mirror.

I beamed at her.

We left the girls' dorm and passed through the common room. Lily and James linked arms. Sirius oddly didn't have a date and neither did Peter, but Peter wasn't there. Sirius spied me and whistled.

"You look terrific. I was kinda hoping that you'd like to dance with me?" he asked clearing his throat.

"Um, sure," I said slightly puzzled but accepted his arm as we linked them. We entered the Great Hall. It was done entirely in a winter theme. Warm snow fell magically from the ceiling and lightly clung to my hair. The floor was covered in glitter and snow. Snow flakes hung from the ceiling and off the walls. The house tables were gone and instead about 90 round tables were set up along making a large dance floor. Students began arriving and we found a table and sat down. I was sitting next to Sirius. On our right were Lily and James.

Professor Dumbledore made an announcement that there will be food first, then dancing. Food magically appeared on our plates and we dug in. I glanced around at the neighboring tables. Eric and Ellie were sitting at one near us. Ellie was laughing at something Eric had said.

Sirius followed my gaze.

"Don't worry about them, Maddie," he said. "They'll get theirs."

But I was too angry and hurt so I got up and headed over to them.

"Hello Ellie," I said coldly.

"Maddie," Ellie said looking up at me. "How are you?"

"Considering you stabbed me in the back? I'm doing just peachy,"

"Maddie," Ellie began but I cut her off.

"It's fine, really. When you get a whiff of this pigs natural behavior when he screws another girl when he's tired and bored with you, then you'll realize what a real prick he is," I rasped. "Have a nice life."

I turned and headed back to our table. As I took my seat, Lily and James looked at me.

"Wow Maddie," James said sounding impressed. "That took real guts."

I merely shrugged. After dinner, the dancing had begun. Lily and James got up and headed to the dance floor.

About 30 minutes later, a pretty 7th year Ravenclaw asked Sirius to dance. So he got up. I was left alone at the table and feeling bored and lonely, I too got up and left, but headed up to the library to where Remus was.

REMUS.

I sat at the table just completely bored. I had to stay in case Lily, James, Sirius or Maddie came looking for me. I stared out the window. The sky was still pink. The library was dead silent. I exhaled loudly and just flipped through a Herbology book I'd picked out. I suddenly picked up a familiar scent and raised my eyes to the library entrance. Maddie stood there. She looked absolutely beautiful that my stomach fluttered as if I'd missed several steps. She grinned as she came over and sat down in front of me. I got a faint whiff of her perfume.

"What are you doing here?" I asked surprised. "I thought you'd be dancing."

"Naw," Maddie said. "No one took me anyway and Sirius went off with a pretty 7th year so…besides I felt bad that you were here all by yourself."

I smiled. "Thanks but it wasn't really necessary,"

Maddie smiled back. "Meh. I was bored too. I wasn't having a good time. Guess I'm still hurt over Eric."

"That's understandable," I said. "What he did was really low and unbelievable. I can't comprehend the fact that he put his own needs before yours."

Maddie's eyes twinkled. "You're something else, Remus. Why in God's name did you turn down all those girls that asked you out? Any girl would be lucky to have you."

I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I should tell her the real reason or lie? Mads was watching me and waiting anxiously for the reply.

"I guess I didn't really 'click' with them," I said as I cleared my throat.

Maddie looked at me strangely but didn't press any further.

"Well," she said brightly. "How about we dance? You need a break."

"D-Dance?" I stammered. "There's no music."

"So?" Mads said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. I stumbled slightly before gaining my balance. We faced each other and she took my left hand in her right and put my right hand on her hip. She rested her left hand on my shoulder. We began slowly rotating on the spot.

After a few minutes, Maddie snuggled up to me, as she rested her cheek against my shoulder. The top of her head brushed against my chin. With Mads so close to me, I felt a strange sensation in my groin. Mads released my hand and she wrapped her arms around me. I heard her exhale. The sensation in my groin tightened and I quickly pulled back from embarrassment.

"I-I'm tired," I stammered quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

With that, I grabbed my things and fled the library.

MADDIE.

Remus fled the library, leaving me alone, confused and stunned. I soon followed and headed back down to the girls' dorm.

In the morning, James, Lily and Sirius had asked me why I'd left the dance. I simply said that I was tired. Remus came down shortly and took a seat at the Gryffindor table sitting next to James. The Great Hall was back to normal and buzzed with morning laughter and the tinkling of silverware. Remus began helping himself to eggs and sausage.

"Mooney, how'd you sleep mate?" James asked brightly.

"Fine," Remus replied ladling egg onto his plate.

Lily looked at me with a raised eyebrow. We could sense Remus was acting oddly. Then Sirius turned to Remus.

"You okay mate? You seem like you're avoiding us or something," he asked concerned.

"I'm fine," Remus said still avoiding eye contact.

"Then why are you avoiding eye contact?" Lily asked cocking her head to one side.

"I'm not avoiding eye contact," Remus said finally raising his eyes to ours.

"O..K," James said finally. "Today's Thursday. Since we've got the day off from the dance last night, any ideas as to what you want to do?"

"Why don't we take a walk on the grounds?" I suggested cheerfully.

"Good idea," James said.

As breakfast continued, I saw Lily and Remus whispering quietly to one another. I was totally intrigued as to what they were saying, but I did not want to force either of them to tell me what was going on. I saw Lily put a hand on Remus' shoulder. Remus gave Lily a smile.

After breakfast, we all headed out onto the grounds. Snow began falling and sticking to tree branches and the ground.

"Yay snow!" Sirius cried happily.

Peter laughed as Sirius began twirling around. Lily pulled me aside as Remus and James headed off toward the large oak tree.

"Is Remus alright?" I asked worriedly and with concern. I had just wanted to make sure he was okay and that nothing was seriously wrong.

"He's fine," Lily said. "But can I ask you something?"

"Sure,"

"Would you ever consider going out with Remus?"

I looked at Lily like she was mad. "What?" I asked shocked.

"Would you ever consider going out with Remus?" she repeated patiently.

"Why on earth are you asking me this?"

"Just answer the question…yes or no?"

"Yes," I replied finally. "Now tell me why you were asking me that."

Lily smirked. "Do not tell anyone-especially do not let Remus know that I told you this…but he's in love with you."

I froze.

Lily smiled. "I'm not blind. I can see how much he cares about you. I saw it during our first year, but lately it's become more pronounced."

I couldn't speak, so Lily continued.

"Why don't you let Remus ask you out? He's such a great guy and you deserve that. Remus would never hurt you like Eric did. You know that. And I know you care about him too…am I wrong?"

I finally shook my head. "No you aren't wrong. But I'm just nervous about dating again."

"I know, but Remus would never hurt you like that. How about I send Remus over so you two can talk?"

Before I could reply, Lily hurried over to where Remus, James, Sirius and Peter were. Lily said something to Remus before she pushed him slightly toward my direction. He looked really nervous.

"Hey, Mads," he said as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"What's up?" I asked brightly.

"Nothing," Remus replied. "I-I was w-wondering…would you like to maybe go out s-sometime?"

"You mean like on a date?" I asked slowly.

"I'm sorry," Remus replied quickly. "That was really stupid of me. Forget I said anything."

He went to walk away, but I grabbed his arm and turned him around to face me.

"Remus wait," I said gently and looked into his green eyes. "I'd love to go on a date with you. What would you like to do?"

Remus relaxed a bit but Lily came over and draped one arm over each of our shoulders. "I can make a picnic for you," she grinned. "Pig out on the grounds."

"That's a great idea!" I said happily.

Lily winked. Naturally word spread to James, Sirius and Peter. They were really ecstatic.

REMUS.

Lily had finally persuaded me to ask Maddie out. I was glad I did. I was also real nervous. This was an actual, real date with Maddie. Even though we were best friends, it was going to change now.

So, the next afternoon, Friday, as this was a holiday before Christmas, Lily had put together a basket and pushed Maddie and I out onto the grounds.

Once Maddie and I were finally alone, we picked a nice spot under the oak tree and set up a blanket on top of the ground. A little bit of snow still clung to the ground and tree branches. We were supposed to get a really big storm during the weekend, so it was nice to be able to get out and enjoy the weather now.

Maddie was dressed in jeans, a white poplin shirt with a light blue cardigan over that. Her hair was pulled into a French twist. Short strands hung down in gentle waves. She applied makeup too. Over the cardigan was a black leather jacket. We began digging into the basket.

"The grounds look so beautiful," she said as she looked around.

"Yes they do," I admitted handing her a sandwich.

Maddie smiled as she took it and our fingertips touched.

"So Mooney," Maddie said. "Tell me about your parents. You never really told us about them."

She took a bite of her sandwich. I sat cross legged. A cold gust of wind ruffled Maddie's blond hair. I cleared my throat and sighed.

"Both my parents as you know are Muggles," I began. Mads nodded and I continued. "I've never really told anyone this. You'll be the first but please don't tell anyone else…not even James, Lily, Sirius or Peter."

"Of course I promise, but why not?" Maddie asked curiously.

"Because they might treat me differently," I said gravely and bluntly.

"Remus, they wouldn't do that," Mads said.

"Please, don't tell," I pleaded.

Maddie nodded. "I won't,"

I totally trusted her and knew she'd never ever betray my trust so I went on.

"Well they aren't my real parents," I finished. "I was adopted."

MADDIE.

I stared at Remus. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Remus was wearing jeans, tan construction boots and a dark blue sweater. His green eyes were locked on mine and his hair fell neatly into place. He had an intent expression on his face.

"My gosh…what happened?" I asked stunned.

"You see, my original birth parents were from the magical community. When I had gotten bitten, they wanted nothing to do with me and put me on the street at the age of 8. A Muggle orphanage picked me up. Professor Dumbledore sent the Headmistress of the orphanage a letter explaining about my situation. Before my parents had pushed me out, they had sent a letter a head of time to Hogwarts telling Professor Dumbledore about me. When my Muggle parents adopted me, they were tested to see if my 'medical condition' bothered them or impaired their decision. It didn't. Eventually, they learned the truth…mostly from me when I hit the age of 12."

I sat taking all this in. I would've never known.

"Wow," I said wide-eyed but smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry. Your second secret is safe with me and it doesn't impair my feelings toward you."

Remus smiled back and we finished our picnic and headed back toward the castle. We entered the castle and walked across one of the bridges. I leaned against the window sill and peered out the opened archways. The bridge overlooked the frozen lake. Remus stood next to me.

"You know, I sometimes wish I was adopted," I admitted clasping my hands.

"Why? You've got a wonderful family," Remus said shocked.


	3. The Accident

Return To Innocence

Chapter 3-The Accident

"Wonderful yes…but cold, blind and ruthless. My older sister Anne, works for the Ministry. My parents are totally obsessed with the Ministry too. They work in the Magical Law Enforcement remember? All they and Anne talk about is work, witches and wizards who break the law and new punishments that the Ministry should pass. My younger brother, Scott, gets most of the attention now because he wants to be an Auror and is in Ravenclaws Quidditch team as Captain. Me? I'm the only one who landed in Gryffindor. My parents and siblings all landed in Ravenclaw. Plus, I still don't have any ambition to work for the Ministry. I want to get married, to have a family and find Mr. Right…naturally reverse that. But all my family cares about is succeeding. I've been pushed aside many-a-time. That's why I always stay here for the Holidays because I can't stand going home and getting swept under the rug."

Remus exhaled loudly and his breath came out in puffs of steam. "Christmas is in 3 days. Don't they send you gifts?"

I turned to face him. "Oh yeah. Usually socks, a new toothbrush or a pair of underwear. Nothing special or fancy. Now my siblings got new brooms last year. AeroBolt 9000s."

Remus looked abashed.

"That's not all. Anne got a new Muggle car and Scott got a flat screen TV last year. Me? I got a pair of old hand-me-down shirts that were Anne's."

Remus' abashed expression deepened and disbelief filled it as well.

"How could people be like that?" Remus mused "And especially to their own flesh and blood? It's cruel and horrible."

I nodded. "I know but that's the way they are."

"My adoptive parents were good," Remus said warmly. "They always listened to me. At first they were a bit apprehensive about my 'hairy situation' but once they understood it, they tried to help me but naturally there's no cure…but the fact is they tried to help."

"That's wonderful," I said earnestly and sincerely.

Another gust of wind blew my hair back and there was another awkward silence.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked staring into his green eyes.

"Absolutely,"

"D-Did you feel this way about me all this time or is recent?"

Remus was silent before he replied. "I've always felt like this. I've always loved you. I was a bit jealous when Eric had asked you out but I couldn't tell you because I had a fear that you would laugh at someone like me asking you out."

I felt my heart flutter then melt. "Oh boy. Mooney, I would've never laughed at you! Why on earth would you think that?"

Remus just shrugged. "You're beautiful. Girls like you don't normally go out with bookworms like me,"

"Girls like me?" I demanded curiously as I folded my arms over my breasts.

Remus immediately flushed with color. "Beautiful, smart and classy,"

I lowered my arms. "That's so sweet,"

I stepped closer to him and slipped my arms around his midsection. I drew him closer and rested my cheek against his shoulder.

"I really had a wonderful time," I said shutting my eyes and just enjoyed the embrace. Remus slowly encircled his arms around me and hugged me tightly. His chin rested on top of my head.

"Me too," he whispered.

We just held each other for a bit before Remus stepped back and took my face in his hands, his palms cupping my jaw. I stared up into his eyes. Remus nervously moved his face closer to mine. I shut my eyes. I suddenly felt his forehead bump into mine. I opened my eyes. Remus was chuckling.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"It's okay. Let's try again," I said gently with a grin.

Remus nodded and moved his face closer again and I shut my eyes. Soon, I felt Remus' lips gently pressing against mine. He kissed me softly and gently. I returned the kisses the same way. After a few minutes, we pulled apart. I could taste Remus' lips on mine.

"Let's go back to the common room," he suggested pink with shyness and pleasure. We headed back.

That night was a full moon. James, Sirius, Peter, Remus and I headed out to the Whomping Willow. I usually went along as a visual aide to make sure that no one saw us.

As we walked across the grounds, Remus had his arm around my shoulders. He seemed a lot more relaxed around me now. We reached the Whomping Willow and Peter changed into the rat to touch the small knot at the base of the tree. I glanced up at the sky. The clouds parted revealing the full moon.

Remus cried out and dropped to his hands and knees. Peter and James were already inside the entrance to the Shrieking Shack. The Whomping Willow was over the secret entrance. I froze. Sirius quickly changed into the black dog. He looked like a black Husky. Sirius stood in front of me, snarling and warily watching Remus who begun to change:

Remus' back lengthened and broadened along with his chest; his uniform and robe ripped in half and fell away in halves; grey and white hair grew all over his body; his feet lengthened and dark nails grew where his toenails were; his hands held the same deadly nails; his ears grew and tapered into points with tufts of hair on the tips; his nose and mouth pulled forward into a snout. White canines and incisors slid down under purple lips. His bottom jaw held the same teeth. His legs bent into haunches and his eyes were now a jaundice/amber color. A tail grew just above his backside and it slightly curled upward. Remus was gone and all that remained now was the wolf.

The wolf arched his head up, parting his jaws and let out a howl. When he finished, the wolf stood easily up on two legs. It walked on the balls of its feet and stood about 7 feet tall towering over me. I stood, completely frozen in my spot. The moonlight reflected off its pelt and back. I finally went to take a step back when the wolfs head snapped around and it lifted the upper lip of its snout and lowered the bottom lip exposing the four canines and the incisors as it snarled. Then it backhanded me with such force, I felt myself flying backward and my back slammed into the Whomping Willow's trunk. I saw Sirius charge the wolf as I fell forward and blackness swallowed me up.

JAMES.

Peter and I were already in the Shrieking shack. We hadn't changed yet. Suddenly a black dog came in backwards, his jaws clamped on clothing as if he was dragging something. Realization dawned on me as I saw it was Sirius dragging Maddie's body into the shack.

"Holy shit!" I cried rushing over. "What the hell happened?"

Sirius pulled Maddie further and whined. I dropped to my hands and knees beside her. Sirius shot back out of the shack, only to return snapping at Remus' heels in wolf form. Remus' ear tips nearly touched the ceiling. From the full moonlight that broke through the old wood boards that covered the broken windows, the light fell across his face catching his jaundice eyes and illuminated them like gold coins. The rest of his body was shrouded in darkness. The wolf was quiet.

Sirius changed back into his human form and dropped to his hands and knees beside me.

"Remus backhanded her. She hit the Whomping Willow's trunk pretty hard," he said gravely as he swallowed.

Maddie's body jerked slightly as her head turned toward us and she coughed but a thin ribbon of blood flowed from the corner of her mouth.

"She's bleeding internally," I said urgently. "We need to get her back to the castle!"

We could hear her gurgling as another ribbon flowed.

"How? I can't drag her!" Sirius cried.

I sighed. "We're going to have to trust Mooney to carry her. We have no choice,"

Sirius swore as he turned to the wolf and changed back into the dog. The dog barked at the wolf urgently.

The wolf stepped over and bent down, lifting Maddie up. One arm was under her back and her hair dangled over Remus' gray/white furry arm. The other arm was behind Maddie's knee caps and her legs bent over the arm. We quickly rushed out of the shack with Sirius keeping the wolf in line.

We hit the castle and Remus gently laid Maddie down. Peter took off to get help. Maddie continued to gurgle and cough up blood.

"Stay with us," I whispered to her.

A short while later, Professor's Dumbledore, McGonagall and Dawes came running.

"What happened?" McGonagall cried as she and Professor Dawes stopped dead in their tracks after catching sight of Remus. Immediately, they pulled out their wands and magicked Maddie onto an invisible stretcher. Remus just stood there, oddly not moving.

Sirius remained with the wolf as we hurried up to the hospital wing.

MADDIE.

I groaned and began emerging from the blackness.

"She's coming around," a soft female said from somewhere in the grayness.

"Thank God," a male voice said relieved.

"Will she be alright, Madam Pomfrey?" another male voice squeaked.

"It was a close shave, but yes. She needs plenty of bed rest," a second female voice said.

I blinked and totally came out of the grayness. My vision cleared and I spied Lily, James and Peter standing beside my cot. I was in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was there as well as Professor's Dumbledore, McGonagall and Dawes. I went to prop myself up onto my elbows but searing pain shot through my body causing me to cry out and fall back against the cot.

"What happened? I feel like a dragon sat on me," I groaned.

"Remus backhanded you," James said gravely and meaningfully. "He wasn't feeling himself."

He slightly emphasized 'himself' and I knew what he meant.

"Oh," I said.

"You had some internal bleeding which we were able to stop. You have a broken rib, a bruised spin and a fractured femur. I have been giving you a Munit Potion every hour. Its all healing though," Madam Pomfrey said softly.

"Thank God," Peter exhaled loudly.

"Where are Remus and Sirius now?" I asked.

"Sirius is making sure Remus stays out of trouble," Lily said gravely.

I knew what she meant.

Around 9 AM, everyone left. I managed to doze off slightly and when I woke up, I found Remus sitting beside my cot in a chair. He looked absolutely guilty and nearly sick to his stomach.

Before he could even reply, I put a hand up.

"It's okay. It was an accident. I'm not pressing charges," I said with a smile.

Remus was silent then he replied quietly.

"I feel so horrible about backhanding you. I never meant to hurt you. That would be the last thing I EVER wanted to do."

"Remus relax," I said softly. "I know you didn't mean it okay?"

Remus still looked absolutely horrible.

Remus scooted closer to my cot and reached over to take my hand in his and our fingers intertwined. Just then, my barn owl, Sonny flew into the opened window. She flew over to me and landed easily on the edge of the cot. A letter was tied to her ankle. I gently removed it and gave her an affectionate stroke before she took off again. I opened the letter and began reading.

"It's from my mother," I said as my voice began shaking and my eyes filled with tears.

"Mads, what's wrong?" Remus demanded.

"M-my Dad…he's been killed by Death Eaters," I said in shock.

I let the letter fall to my lap before I burst into tears. Remus had gotten up and was now sitting beside me on the cot. He opened his arms and I pulled myself into a sitting position not caring about the searing pain. I slumped into his arms and wrapped my arms around his midsection. I pressed my face into his chest and sobbed uncontrollably. I felt his arms encircle me, drawing me tighter against his body.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered quietly.

I just sobbed into his chest. After a few moments, Remus pulled back from the embrace.

"If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here," he said gently.

I gave him a weak smile. He took my face in his hands and he gently and lightly kissed me again.

About a week later, I was released from the hospital wing. James, Sirius, Lily and Peter found out about my father and totally were sympathetic.

"I'm so sorry, Maddie," Sirius said solemnly. "We're here for you okay?"

I gave him a weak smile. I'd cried many a nights after that night in the hospital wing that I wasn't sure if I had any more tears left. I knew I couldn't cry and more.

"Did your mother say exactly what happened?" Lily asked tentatively.

James threw her a reproving look.

"What?" she asked defensively. "I'm sure Maddie would like to know exactly what happened."

"Her father was killed…that should be enough," James argued and the two of them got into a fight.

"Guys stop it," Remus shouted firmly and sternly.

"It's okay," I said softly and quietly. "Apparently my Father was with some Auror's at the house of Chris the 'Crucio' Davis. Chris somehow managed to avoid capture while the Auror's were invading his house. He snuck around to the back and there was my Dad standing with the rest of the Auror's. And, well you can guess what happened."

"Geeze. He's really horrible," Sirius said seriously. "He's known all over to 'Crucio' people to death…literally."

"SIRIUS," Remus barked. "We know! Thanks for giving unwanted details!"

Sirius immediately realized what he said and looked abashed and upset.

"Oh sorry, Maddie," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to…"

His voice trailed off.

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it," I said softly. "So basically Chris escaped and is still now on the run from the Ministry. He could be hiding anywhere. He's known to head to Scotland and Finland."

"That far?" Lily asked curiously. "Finland I mean."

"He's from Finland actually," Remus said not taking his eyes off me in case I began getting upset again. "So that would be the perfect hiding place…his own home turf."

"Sheesh. I really don't understand people's logics…why become fugitives?" Sirius said shaking his head sadly.

"I don't know," Lily said. "But don't worry. He won't go unpunished. Trust me."

I smiled at them. They all gave me hugs before heading to their separate dorms leaving Remus and I alone in the common room.

Remus came over to me.

"How are you?" he asked quietly.

"That's a stupid question," I snapped, but immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's fine," he said gently. I was staring at his chest, not raising my eyes to meet his. He stood over me slightly.

"I just can't believe that my Dad is gone," I said hugging myself. "Sure he was cold, uncaring, selfish, ruthless and…well, you know…but I still didn't want anything to happen to him you know? Does that sound ironic or what?"

Remus shook his head.

"No. You're blessed with a kind, caring heart. You cared about him…deep down I'm sure,"

I finally raised my eyes to meet his. His green eyes caught the orange glow reflecting from the fire that crackled in the fireplace.

I nodded and exhaled loudly.

"Let's hit the sack huh?" I said.

I saw him blush furiously.

"Separate beds," I said grinning at him.

He grinned back.

I entered the girls' dorm and climbed into bed. Soon, I dozed off.


	4. UnNerving Evidence

Return To Innocence

Chapter 4-Unnerving Evidence

It's been 3 weeks since I'd gotten thew news of my father. It was now January 20th. Christmas had been great. We'd all exchanged gifts and I got some really wonderful things from Lily, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus. I was feeling a bit better about everything.

That afternoon, Remus and I were able to spend some more time together. Lily and James announced that they were going steady and Sirius cracked that he and Peter were going to be dating shortly. We burst out laughing.

We walked onto the courtyard. We'd gotten the snow storm just before Christmas and blankets of snow still covered the ground.

Today was Saturday so we were dressed in Muggle clothing. I was dressed in jeans, a white sweater under the black leather jacket, black Jodpur boots, a multi-colored scarf around my neck and a black news boy cap on my head slightly tilted to the left. My hair hung over my shoulders in gentle waves and fluttered with the gusts of wind. Remus was dressed in jeans, a red long sleeved shirt and a tan leather jacket over that. We approached the stone benches in front of the fountain which the water was frozen.

Remus took out his wand and aimed the tip at the snow covering the top of the bench. Immediately, it melted away and we took a seat.

I leaned against him, wrapping my arm around his and pressing my cheek against his shoulder.

"This is really nice," I said softly. "It's so peaceful looking."

"Yeah it is," he agreed suddenly becoming nervous. I knew he only got nervous when he had to ask me a question either pertaining to our relationship or…sex.

"Maddie? C-Can I talk to you about something?" he stammered nervously.

"Of course! Remy, you can talk to me about anything alright? I'm not going to bite you. We're a couple now. We can talk about anything that needs to be addressed."

I raised my head and looked up into his green eyes.

He looked so 'hot' dressed that way. His wheat colored brown hair shone in the sunlight making it almost look golden.

"Well," he began slowly. "We've been going out for about two month's right?"

I nodded.

"Lily and James have taken their relationship to the next 'level," he said keeping his eyes on mine but I could see he was nervous. "I-I was wondering if you would ever consider doing the same…or do you want to wait?"

"Lily and James have been going out for 2 years. It was only a matter of time before they did that," I explained.

Remus nodded. "I understand. You want to wait then?"

"Yes," I said earnestly.

"It's okay. I totally understand. I wasn't going to pressure you into doing anything if you weren't comfortable," Remus said sincerely.

He was such a great guy. I only wished I'd gone out with him sooner than gone out with Eric. I could've spared myself hurt…but who knew what would happen? I can't change the past.

I snuggled up against him again.

"I definitely want to take the next step," I said shutting my eyes and just enjoyed being alone with him. "Just not yet."

"Gotcha," he said. "I feel the same way. I only would've if you wanted to."

I smiled and squeezed his arm affectionately.

Suddenly, someone dressed in a black hooded cloak brought something heavy down on Remus' head. Remus fell forward and landed face down in the snow unconscious. The snow surrounding his head turned ruby.

The figure took off toward the castle. I dropped to my hands and knees beside him and felt sheer panic filling my chest. I screamed for help at the top of my lungs.

Shortly, Peter came running.

"GO GET PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!" I screamed at him.

He nodded and took off toward the castle.

Remus was taken to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey checked him over and he had a mild concussion. He woke up and was bright and alert.

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back.

"I thought the worst!" I sobbed into his shoulder.

Remus' arms tightened around me. "I'm okay, Mads but my head feels like a rock was dropped on it."

I reluctantly pulled back from the embrace and turned to Peter. Lily, James and Sirius had been called as well.

"Thanks Peter! I owe you!" I said hugging him too. He awkwardly patted me on the back.

"How'd you get there so fast?" Sirius asked Peter curiously.

"I was by the Herbology green houses," Peter replied, oddly avoiding eye contact. "I heard her screaming for help."

"What were you doing there?" Sirius pressed.

"It doesn't matter now," Lily scolded. "The point is he was able to help Remus and he's okay."

Sirius muttered something.

"Madam Pomfrey says your noggin is okay but we're still debating," James cracked.

"Did you see the attacker?" Professor Dumbledore asked Remus and I.

"No sir," Remus replied as I hugged him again, this time I didn't let go. Remus chuckled slightly as he tried to talk to Dumbledore. "He had a black hooded cape. The hood was pulled up covering his face so we couldn't see it."

I pressed my cheek against Remus' chest. Remus wrapped one arm around me.

"Why attack Mooney?" James mused. "He's one of the most well liked in school. Hardly any enemies."

"I think he has one now," Sirius said dryly.

We headed back to the common room. Everyone went off and did their own thing. Peter vanished, stating that he wanted to go back to the greenhouses. Remus and I were alone in the common room. I laid down on the couch. I'd taken off my cap and tossed it onto the coffee table in front of the couch. I'd also taken off my boots. I let my legs dangle over the arm of the chair. Remus sat down on the couch and I rested my head on his thigh. He had taken off his jacket and laid it over the back of the chair. He also had rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. My hair was fluffed over his right thigh.

"I was so scared," I whispered. "I seriously thought something had happened to you."

Remus looked down at me.

"I'm okay…really," he said earnestly.

He went to put his hand on my arm, but it accidentally touched my right breast.

I saw him flush furiously and he went to take his hand off, but I grabbed it and kept it there.

"Remus, you can touch me you know," I grinned up at him. "You don't have to apologize for touching me okay?"

He nodded and I let his hand go.

REMUS.

Maddie was lying on the couch with her head on my thigh. Her blond hair was fluffed around her head covering my thigh. When I touched her breast, I felt immediately embarrassed and nervous, thinking that maybe she didn't want me touching her like that. But she was fine with it. So after she released my hand, I gently put my hand on her arm, the first target.

"I just didn't want you to think I was…molesting you or something," I said.

"Trust me. You weren't," Maddie said shutting her eyes for a moment.

When I had touched her breast, I'd felt the familiar tightness in my groin which I hoped Maddie couldn't pick up. I cleared my throat and decided to tell her that I loved her.

"I love you so much," I said softly.

Maddie pulled herself into a sitting position beside me and faced me. Her hair was slightly tousled but she stared deep into my eyes. The tightness started to diminish. The orange glow of the firelight reflected off of her body, almost making her glow.

She smiled. "I love you too,"

I was so happy. Nothing could change my happiness or ruin it.

She snuggled up against me again and I draped my arm over her shoulders. We just stayed like that until it was dinner time. The tightness was completely gone now and I relaxed.

That evening we were lounging around the common room. Lily and James had gone into the boys' dorm for some 'tutoring' but we all knew what they were doing.

"You'd think by now the whole school would know what they were doing," Sirius said with a scowl. "Every night they've been at it."

Sirius and Peter were playing a game of Wizards' Chess. Maddie and I were on the hearth rug in front of the fireplace.

"I still can't believe someone actually attacked Remus," Maddie said shaking her head. "Did you pick up any scent?"

She turned to me.

"Actually, I did," I mused. "It was male definitely."

"I can't imagine anyone wanting to hurt you," Maddie said.

"Perhaps it was a warning?" Peter squeaked suddenly.

"A warning? For what? Not to lick himself on full moons?" Sirius asked deadpan.

I rested my head against Maddie's shoulder.

"You-Know-Who," Peter whispered.

"If the Dark Lord ever tried to get me to join him, I'd rather die then join him," I said vehemently.

"What if it meant killing a loved one? Or a loved one being killed?" Peter asked.

His questions were getting unnerving now.

"What's with all the questions?" Sirius demanded. "Why are you asking Mooney?"

Peter shrugged. "Curiosity,"

"If the Dark Lord threatened anyone I loved I would still insist he kill me and if I had to kill someone I truly loved? I'd rather throw myself off Gryffindor tower," I replied firmly.

Peter nodded and went back to the game. I suddenly picked up a scent coming from the boys' dorm. I felt my body tense up.

"What is it?" Maddie asked looking at me.

"I picked up a scent from the boys' dorm," I replied.

Realization dawned on her face. "Lily and James," she whispered.

I shook my head. "No, not that…something else,"

Around 10 o'clock, we all headed off to bed. Lily had emerged about an hour ago her uniform all tousled and ruffled. No one said anything.

I changed into a pair of grey sweat pants and a white tee shirt and climbed into bed. Sirius was already out cold, snoring loudly. So was Peter. James however, was awake.

"Enjoying being a couple with Maddie?" James asked brightly.

I nodded. "I truly love her more than life,"

James smiled. "I know. I'm glad for you, mate. She deserves someone like you. She's a great girl. I'm curious…why haven't you slept with her yet?"

I looked at James. "I haven't slept with her yet because I don't want to force her. She said she's not ready yet and I have to admit, neither am I,"

James smirked. "But I can almost cut the sexual tension between you two with a knife! I know you're wondering what it would be like…am I right?"

"Of course!" I said. "But I have respect for Maddie. If she's not ready, I'm not going to push her into something that she maybe isn't ready for or can handle."

"Trust me…she can handle it," James said wisely.

"How do you know?" I demanded. "You aren't Maddie."

"Girls say they aren't ready for it, but really they want it," James said. "Deep down of course."

"Look," I snapped. "I'm not going to sleep with her just because you and Lily are doing it now. What's good for you two may not be good for us."

James nodded. "Sorry, mate,"

I froze again. I had picked up that scent again.

"I got that scent again," I mused as I tossed off the covers and stood up. James did the same and I began slowly and quietly walking the length of the boys' dorm, sniffing at the air. When I came by Peter's bed, the scent was strongest, but it was coming from below the bed itself. I dropped silently to my hands and knees and peered under the bed.

A solid, black object was lying under there. I reached under and pulled it out, putting it into the light. It was a small, heavy mallet and a dried red liquid was caked on the head of the mallet…blood…my blood.

"It's my blood," I said stunned as I held the mallet in my hand.

James quickly woke up Sirius and we showed him the mallet.

"Shit," he swore. "Where'd you find that?"

"Under Peter's bed," I replied gravely and grimly.

Sirius didn't wait around and he flew over to Peter's bed.

"WAKE UP YOU SCUMBAG!" Sirius shouted as he roughly shook Peter awake. Peter was wide awake and looking from James, to me to Sirius.

Sirius grabbed the mallet from my hand and shoved it under Peter's nose.

"Where did this come from?" he demanded.

"The kitchens," Peter replied.

"Don't think so," I said folding my arms over my chest. "That's my blood. I can smell it. YOU attacked me!"

There was a heavy silence in the air before Peter went to make a dash to get out of bed, but James grabbed him and pinned him before he could escape.

"I can't BELIEVE you attacked Remus! Your best friend!" Sirius cried enraged.

"I did it because the Dark Lord has plans!" Peter hissed, now looking terrifying and we were actually a bit scared of him now. "And the Dark Lord WILL succeed."

Peter wrenched himself out of James' grasp and fled the dorm.

A few minutes later, we heard a scream coming from the girls' dorm.

James, Sirius and I tore out of the boys' dorm.

MADDIE.

I had woken up to a weight on my bed. When I opened my eyes, it was Peter holding a knife above my chest. When I screamed, he had changed into a rat and fled. Lights were flicked on immediately. The knife had dropped harmlessly to the floor. The dorm door burst open and James, Sirius and Remus barged in.

"What happened?" James cried.

I was sitting bolt upright in bed, shaking violently. "P-Peter tried to stab me in the chest," I sobbed.

Remus flew over to me and put his arms around me. I slumped against him and he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Peter tried to kill you?" Sirius asked incredulously.

I nodded and pressed my face into Remus' shoulder.

"I'm going to KILL him," Remus growled.

Lily had woken up and come over as well. I had both her and Remus comforting me. James had gone and got Professor Dumbledore.

I told Professor Dumbledore what happened. Remus was so angry. Lily took a turn and comforted me as Remus paced the room.

"I'll tear him apart," Remus growled.

"Mooney, calm down pal," Sirius said alarmed and concerned.

I pressed my face into Lily's shoulder and sobbed.

"I can't calm down! One of our best friends turns on us and attacks me then tries to stab Maddie in the chest? That's clear he had intent on trying to kill her!" Remus shouted.

"Mooney…" James began also concerned, but Remus was too angry and stormed from the dorm and Gryffindor tower, no doubt taking a walk on the grounds to cool off.


	5. A Close Shave

Return To Innocence

Chapter 5-A Close Shave

REMUS.

I was so enraged that if I'd seen Peter, I would've torn him apart. I began strolling along the grounds, angry that Peter tried to kill Maddie and attacked me. First, why was he about to kill Maddie? What was his motive? Second, was he aligned with the Dark Lord? And finally, would he make another attempt to hurt Maddie or worse…succeed in killing her?

"I would do anything to protect Maddie," I grumbled aloud.

"So," a voice crooned to my left. "You would do anything to protect a sweetheart huh?"

I turned. A figure with a maroon cloak had appeared. The hood was pulled up, shielding the face from view.

"Yes," I said warily watching the figure.

"Perhaps I can help," the figure said. "Are you going to protect against unwanted creature or wizard?"

"Wizard,"

The figure reached into his robe and pulled out his wand. I slipped my hand into my pocket and fingered my own wand, keeping my guard up.

"I can show you spells that will protect your girl," he said. "But they aren't governed by the Ministry."

"You mean Dark Magic?" I demanded shrewdly. "No thanks. I'm not about to be sent to Azkaban."

"Suit yourself," the figure said putting his wand away. "But if your girl ends up dead and cold on your doorstep, don't say I didn't offer."

"What is your name?" I demanded, trying to keep the images of Maddie dead out of my head.

"Just call me Tylus," he said and then Apparated.

I knew he was up to no good because he managed to Apparate onto the grounds even with the protective charms around Hogwarts. He possibly knew a weak spot and a way to get around them. Sighing, I turned and headed back to the castle.

James, Lily and Sirius had gone back to bed, but Maddie remained in the common room. I headed over to her and sat down beside her on the couch. She snuggled up against me.

"Remus, I was so scared," Maddie said pressing her face into my shoulder. "I can't believe he would do something like that after all these years! He was our best friend!"

I exhaled and wrapped my arms around her. "I know,"

"Please don't leave me," Maddie said frightened. "I'm scared that he might try again."

"I won't leave you," I whispered. "I promise I'll stay awake all night and keep an eye on you."

Shortly, Maddie had dozed off.

MADDIE.

The morning came and I felt warm sunshine on my face. I opened my eyes. I was curled up on the couch with my head on Remus' thigh. I got up. Remus was wide awake.

"Morning," he said brightly. "No one came near us."

"Morning," I said and stretched.

I was deeply in love with him now and I knew he felt the same way toward me.

"Let's get some breakfast," I suggested cheerfully and secretly felt relieved that no one, meaning Peter, came back to Gryffindor tower last night to try anything else.

Remus grinned and we headed down to the Great Hall. When we got there, we found James, Sirius and Lily already at the table.

We took our seats and began helping ourselves to porridge.

"You two looked VERY comfy on the couch," Sirius winked. "We didn't want to disturb you. You slept through Dumbledore's announcements."

Remus checked his watch. "Yikes we did. It's 8:30,"

"It's okay," Lily said reassuringly.

I picked up my spoon and began eating the porridge. I felt Remus' eyes on me. I could literally feel the bond between us. I felt it when we first met, but it was much stronger now.

About 10 minutes later, there was a commotion toward the side of the Hall where a suit of armor stood with a bow and arrow. We looked up. There was a flash of light and then the arrow was released from the bow and it came speeding toward me. I froze in my seat with wide, terrified eyes. I felt someone grab my shoulder and shove me forward so that my face was inches from the porridge bowl but not before I felt the arrow graze my temple. The arrow went by and we slowly sat back up. The arrow had lodged itself harmlessly into the wall and quivered before falling to the floor with a clutter. I was breathing rapidly as I felt a trickle of warm blood flowing down my temple and cheek. There was a shocked silence before a flurry of activity. Remus had leapt over the table and sat beside me, placing his hand over the laceration on my right temple.

"Shit!" Sirius cried. "What the hell was that?"

Lily was pale. She was shaking badly and clung to James. It had been her who shoved me forward.

Immediately, Professor's Dumbledore, McGonagall and Dawes rushed over.

"Good Lord!" Professor McGonagall cried raising a hand to her mouth. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah," Remus said. "The arrow just grazed her."

"She could've been sishkabobed!" Sirius cried outraged.

The entire Hall was now silent.

"Sirius, shut up," James said firmly.

"A good old BBQ bob!" Sirius went on. "Did you see how it just zoomed right for her?"

"I said 'Shut up'," James snapped.

"He's right on the second part," Remus said as his hand was pressed firmly over the laceration. "It did just zoom right for her."

Professor Dumbledore turned toward the Ravenclaw table, where the suit of armor stood beside it.

"Did anyone see anything?" he asked.

There was a silence before a boy spoke. "I saw some rat then a man appeared. He waved his wand at the bow and arrow. Then the arrow just sped toward the girl,"

"Peter," Remus and James growled in unison.

So, once again, I was taken to the hospital wing.

That night was a full moon. Much to Lily and I's protests, James, Sirius and Remus changed there in the common room. Naturally, if anyone found out other than Professor Dumbledore, it would be chaos.

I was sitting on the couch just reading. Lily was curled up on the chair. Around midnight, Remus changed. Sirius changed into the black dog, but James refrained from changing saying that a stag in the common room would certainly spark a lot more suspicion then a wolf and dog so he remained in human form.

Remus' human form was gone and the wolf now stood, ear tips inches from the ceiling. I felt a brush of fur on my neck. I lowered my book and slowly looked up. The wolfs ears twitched and it looked down at me, gently pressing its cold nose against my cheek. I gently reached up and put a hand on the side of the muzzle, trusting the wolf not to bite, and pushed his snout to the side, away from my face.

"I wonder what's wrong with Mooney?" Lily mused with an apprehensive look.

"What? What do you mean what's wrong with Mooney?" I asked.

"When Remus changes, he's usually aggressive," Lily said eyeing the wolf behind me.

"Yeah. I'm not sure, but we should keep an eye on him,"

It took a while for me to get used to seeing a 7 foot tall wolf standing easily on two legs. Now it's just a normal scene.

James was dozing off beside Lily. Sirius was chasing his own tail for amusement. I burst out laughing.

"You know I often wonder if Sirius wasn't dropped on his head at some point during his childhood years," Lily mused.

I laughed again.

Sirius stopped chasing his tail and went over to Lily. He playfully lifted his hind leg up against her leg.

"Don't even THINK about it," Lily scolded but had a big grin on her face.

Remus' ears suddenly flicked toward the entrance to the common room. It opened and Lily and I slowly got to our feet. This was it. Remus and Sirius would be busted.

No one came in and the portrait closed.

"Okay that was odd," I replied.

Suddenly, Peter appeared next to the couch. The wolf flattened his ears to the side and parted his jaws, letting out a vicious snarl and growl. His amber/jaundice eyes flashed with rage at Peter. Sirius charged at Peter.

Peter with inhuman strength, backhanded Sirius. With a whelp, Sirius flew sideways and crashed onto the table. Remus pushed me aside and he also lunged at Peter as well as James.

Peter hit James with the Stunning Spell and once James was down, he pulled out a silver knife with a pure silver blade. The wolf grabbed Peter by the throat and bared his canines and incisors at him. Thick saliva dripped from the bottom jaw. Peter thrusted the knife into the wolfs shoulder. Remus threw back his head and let out a ear splitting howl of anguish. The wolf let go of Peter's throat. Peter turned his wand onto Lily and also hit her with the Stunning Spell.

Peter turned his wand onto me and I froze with panic and fear. A jet of blue shot toward me…

REMUS.

I woke up to warm sunshine on my face. I realized I was in the hospital wing. It felt like my shoulder was on fire and like my body was put into an oven. I blinked and looked to my left. James, Sirius (in human form) and Lily were sitting beside me on the cot. Lily saw me waking up.

"Mooney! Thank God! How are you feeling?" she cried with concern.

"Like I've been put into an oven," I moaned. "Where's Maddie?"

James, Lily and Sirius looked at each other. The look on their faces sent alarm bells off in my head.

"Where is she?" I demanded.

"We don't know," James said gravely with a solemn expression. "When we were un-stunned, she was missing."

"She's missing? You mean she's gone?" I cried now fully alert.

"She wasn't there," Lily said her voice shaking. "Peter stunning us was the last thing we all remember."

I propped myself up onto my elbows and looked from Lily to James to Sirius.

"I have to go find her!" I cried cringing as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, but James sprang to his feet and put his hands on my shoulders, restraining me from getting up further.

"Whoa Mooney," James said. "You're in no condition to move. That silver blade did a number on your body. You've hardly got any energy."

I ignored him and stood up. My legs felt like Jello and I wobbled slightly and grabbed James' shoulders for support.

"Remus please rest," Lily pleaded. "You're not going to do any good to Maddie if you can't help her correctly."

"I don't care," I snapped. "I have to find her."

I was bare chested except for gray jogging pants. A bandage was over my left shoulder where the blade had been.

"If Peter is hurting her in any way, I swear I'll KILL him," I snarled as I dug my fingers into James' shoulder.

"I know. Us too," Sirius said crackling his knuckles.

James gently pushed me back onto the cot. I sat down in a huff.

"Do you really think Peter kidnapped Maddie? If so, why?" Lily asked in a small voice.

"Yes and we don't know," James said. "But we told Professor Dumbledore. He knows what's going."

I just couldn't sit and do nothing. I felt helpless.

MADDIE.

I was blindfolded and gagged and my wrists were tied behind a cold, stone object. My ankles were also tied together. I felt grass beneath me. In the distance an owl hooted. The air smelled of decay, must and staleness. It was damp and I felt a tingle running down my spine. I was wearing a pair of white shorts and a navy tank top. My hair hung around my shoulders. I was terribly scared beyond wits and sobbed quietly.

"Here is the one, master," a painfully familiar voice said from my left.

_Peter!_ I thought as shock, alarm and fear filling my chest.

"So this is the pretty witch he pines for," another voice said with mock concern.

I struggled against the ropes that bound my wrists and felt the tears staining my cheeks that were now damp.

"I will send Tylus to get him to join," the second voice laughed. It was cold, coarse and almost inhuman. It had no emotion or anything in it.

"He will join me or watch this wench die before his eyes,"

"He is strong willed, Master," Peter's voice squeaked. "It will be very difficult."

"You underestimate him," the cold voice drawled and I felt a cold, clammy finger touch my cheek. "If he knows his precious witch is in danger, I seriously doubt he will find it hard to resist. Even so, we will have Tylus feed him the information and then let him come to us."

I sobbed again.

REMUS.

After a few days, I was able to be released from the hospital wing. I was still frustrated because I couldn't help Maddie. I felt totally helpless doing nothing but sitting around.

It was now Saturday, a week since Maddie was taken. I was sitting in the common room when a flash went off before my eyes:

_I was making love to Maddie…then a wolf appeared and Maddie holding a baby…then came the screaming…_

The flash vanished and I felt my body jump as though touched by electricity. Lily had been sitting on the chair. She looked up in alarm.

"Mooney? You okay? What happened?" she asked.

I blinked for a second then told her about the 'premonition'. She listened intently without interrupting me.

When I was done, she replied.

"Well, it could be all the stress from not knowing about Maddie," Lily mused. "But you're naturally wondering about what it would be like to have sex with Maddie…am I right?"

I blushed furiously but she had a coy and understanding smile on her face. I sighed.

"Look," Lily said softly. "Maddie can certainly take care of herself. I'm sure she's just fine."

Just then, Tylus appeared along with James and Sirius.

"He says he knows you," James said gesturing to Tylus. "Do you know him?"

"We've met before," I said warily watching him. "What do you want, Tylus?"

Tylus took down his hood. I was surprised to see him only 2 years older than us. He had short light auburn hair and hazel eyes. He looked grave.

"I have come with information for a Remus Lupin?" he said speaking clearly.

"That's me," I said. "And what sort of information?"

"It's about that girl that is missing," he said.

"Maddie?" I demanded now fully alert. "What about her? Is she alright? Where is she? Is she hurt?"

Tylus held up his hand.

"Firstly, she's being held in the Bandwell Cemetery just a few miles from London. She is safe for now. But her captives want you to meet them at the cemetery. If you do not show up, they will kill her without hesitation,"

"Then I'm going," I said standing up.

"Mooney, that's really dangerous. Plus how are you going to get off the grounds?" Lily asked.

I whirled around to face her.

"I don't give a shit about the danger," I said. "I'm taking James' Invisibility Cloak for the second part."

James nodded and went into the boys' dorm and grabbed his cloak. He came back out with it and handed it to me.

"You're condoning this?" Lily asked shocked. "He could get killed!"

"I don't think that matters to him," Sirius said. "And I'm sure James would do the same for you."

I was dressed in jeans and a white shirt.

"You are taking me to them," I said to Tylus. "Lead the way."

I pulled the cloak over me and followed Tylus out of the common room.


	6. The Rescue

Return To Innocence

Chapter 6-The Rescue

WARNING: This chapter contains as sexual scene

MADDIE

"He's coming, Master," peter squeaked. "He should be here any minute."

The air took on more of a chill and I shivered.

"Excellent," the cold voice cooed. "We will finally have him on our side. If he refuses, the witch dies."

I really couldn't believe Peter would do something like this. After all these years. What did we ever do to him for him to turn against us like this?

About 10 minutes later, I heard 2 'pops' as though people Apparated.

"Welcome," the cold voice crooned.

"Release Maddie right now," Remus' voice snarled. I could hear the rage and anger in his voice clearly.

"Not yet," the cold voice snickered. "I want to have some fun with her first."

I felt the tip of a wand pressed against my chest. I braced myself.

REMUS.

The Dark Lord had the tip of his wand pressed against Maddie's chest. He was dressed in a black hooded robe. The hood was pulled up, obscuring his face from view. But I knew it was him. Peter was standing a few inches away, almost cowering.

Maddie was sitting on the ground, with her arms tied behind her around a headstone. She was blindfolded and gagged. Her ankles were also tied. Dirt smudged her legs and arms.

She was sobbing and the blindfold was damp with her tears. Her hair was stringy and dingy. She looked thin and frail, not the usual well rounded person I knew a few weeks ago. This was because of no water or food. I knew she was really weak.

"Her father was easy to kill," The Dark Lord snickered. "She will die unless you join me."

"I will never join you," I growled at him. "Never."

"Suit yourself," Voldemort said in a joyful tone. "CRUCIO!"

The spell hit Maddie right in the chest. She screamed but it was muffled by the gag. Her body twitched and writhed in excruciating pain.

After a few minutes, the spell was lifted. Maddie's body slumped against the headstone and ropes, weak even more. She was breathing heavily and sobbing still.

"Now," Lord Voldemort snarled. "You either join me or I will kill her right now."

I looked at Maddie, completely exhausted and weakened from lack of food for a week or water. At that point, I wasn't thinking of myself…I was thinking of Maddie's welfare and her life.

I had no choice.

"I will join you," I said at last.

I heard Maddie let out a cry of anguish.

"Wonderful!" The Dark Lord said. "She will still die."

"No!" I shouted stepping in front of Maddie. "You will have to go through me first…and I know you want me. So if you kill Maddie, you kill me as well."

The Dark Lord slipped his wand into his robe.

"Well well," he cooed. "What a streak of bravery in you…but in time, that will diminish."

"Very well," he said at last. "Your precious witch will be allowed to return to school. Untie her, Tylus."

"You were working with him?" I asked incredulously.

Tylus nodded and headed over to Maddie. He pulled off the blindfold, gag and untied her wrists and ankles.

I rushed over to her.

She wobbly stood up and almost fell if I hadn't caught her.

"Mooney what are you doing?" she cried. "You can't join him! Don't worry what happens to me! He'll make you turn against your friends!"

She was staring up at me. Her chocolate brown eyes were filled with disbelief and urgency.

"I have to Mads. He would've killed you," I said stroking her cheek.

"I don't care! But he'll manipulate you!"

She turned to the Dark Lord.

"You can kill me but please don't make Remus join you!" Maddie shouted.

"Mads, shut up," I said putting my arms around her.

Even though she was still weak, she struggled against my grip.

Voldemort ignored Maddie.

"You may go," he said to me. "I will call on you when I'm ready."

With that, I Apparated holding onto Maddie.

MADDIE.

We had Apparated a few feet off of Hogwarts' grounds and Remus threw the Invisibility cloak around us. We snuck back onto the grounds and made our way up to the Gryffindor tower.

James, Lily and Sirius immediately looked up the minute we entered the common room.

"Maddie! Oh thank heavens!" Lily gushed as she rushed to help me sit on the couch.

"She's dehydrated and needs food," Remus said.

James immediately took it upon himself to run down to the kitchens.

"He joined Voldemort," I choked out. "Remus joined Voldemort."

A deadly silence followed that statement.

"I had to," Remus said. "He was going to kill Maddie."

"You could've changed and went commando on his ass," Sirius said angrily to Remus. "Now he'll turn you against us!"

"I have a plan," Remus said quietly. "Don't worry."

"We won't," James said flatly. "Because the minute you show signs of hating us or turning against us, we'll turn you in in a heartbeat."

With that, James headed off. Sirius nodded firmly in agreement and followed James out. Lily was regarding Remus with tears in her emerald green eyes.

"I hope you're right, Mooney," she said quietly. "If not, we lost another good friend and I doubt James and Sirius will hesitate turning you in. I understand why you did what you did…but James and Sirius aren't as understanding. I know they know that you had good intentions when you did it…but good intentions can turn especially when influenced by someone like The Dark Lord. I'll help you out with your plan for as long as I can…after that I can't."

She walked toward the girls' dorm, leaving Remus and I alone.

James came back and insisted that I visit the hospital wing. Eating a lot of food at one time could be a shock to my body. Ignoring Remus, he helped me to the hospital wing.

A few days later, through IV's (taken from the Muggle remedies) and gradual food diet, I regained my strength and felt more myself.

James and Sirius refused to be in the same room with Remus when they visited me. I was still angry with Remus too.

That evening, while Remus and I were alone in the hospital wing, I let him know how angry I was.

I was sitting up in bed. Remus was sitting on a chair beside the cot. James had given Remus a cold look before leaving the wing.

"What is everyone still pissed at me?" Remus demanded.

"Well, let's see," I mused mockingly. "You said you'd join the most evil and vile wizard of all time…so do you see anything wrong with that?"

"I did it for you," Remus argued. "I couldn't bear to see him kill you!"

"Well you should've just let him do that! I would've never considered joining him and possibly betray my friends! What's wrong with you?" I shouted back at him.

With that Remus got up, and straddled me, pinning my wrists by my ears on the pillow. He leaned over.

"I have a plan. I'm going to alert the Ministry and secretly owl them His locations each time,"

"You're basically going to spy on Him?" I asked looking up at him. "That's just as ludicrous and dangers as joining him. If not, worse."

"Maddie, trust me…nothing will happen alright? I'm not going anywhere. But please tell James and Sirius to get off my back," Remus said staring down at me with those green eyes.

I looked up at him and felt this uneasy feeling creeping into my chest. I suddenly had a strange feeling that I would never see him again.

"Fine," I said quietly. "And I trust you."

Remus released my wrists and went to get up, but I grabbed him and pulled him back. I kissed him softly and passionately.

I released him a few minutes later.

"What was that for?" he asked breathless and grinning.

"Let's do it," I said staring up at him.

"Do what?" he asked puzzled.

I looked at him meaningfully.

"Oh," he said as realization dawned across his face. "Are you sure? What brought this on all of a sudden? I knew you said you weren't ready."

I sighed and lowered my eyes to his chest.

"I have a funny feeling that I'm not going to see you again," I whispered quietly. "It won't go away either."

Remus exhaled and stroked my cheek.

"I'll be fine alright?" he said gently and softly. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I paused. "Yes,"

He nodded. "Okay,"

I had a light blue gown on me like the Muggle hospitals wore. Remus kissed me softly and gently. I returned the kisses the same way.

He unbuckled his belt and slipped out of the pants. He also pulled off his shirt leaving him bare chested and in his boxer shorts.

I could sense he was really nervous. I was also. Remus gently kissed me on the side of my neck and helped me slip out of the gown. I was now naked. Remus went back to kissing me. Oddly, it felt totally natural and right to be doing this with him.

A few minutes later, Remus slipped out of his boxer shorts and gently pressed his hip against mine.

REMUS.

I gently pressed my hip against Maddie's and gently pressed a little bit further into her. For a moment, she sucked in air. I thought I was hurting her.

"Am I hurting you?" I asked anxiously.

"No," she said. "Keep going."

I began gently moving and Maddie moved in unison with me. Maddie's expression looked like she was in complete bliss as she closed her eyes and we both just concentrated on the moment. I never thought I would ever be doing this with her…especially since we met in our first year. I felt…well, I knew I was the luckiest guy on earth right now to be with Maddie. It wasn't just the sex, it was being with a special kind of girl like Maddie overall. She was a great person to be around and she made me feel like I could do anything and that I wanted to be a better person because of that.

After a few minutes, I felt Maddie's body fill with excitement and felt her fingers digging into my shoulder as I felt her hitting her excited peak. Shortly, I followed and released my excitement causing Maddie's body to briefly fill with a second round of excitement.

I loomed over her. We were both breathing heavily and sweaty.

"I love you so much," I whispered to her.

"I love you so much too," she replied smiling up at me.

It was a magical experience. I never felt anything like it before in my life and the fact that I had it with Maddie was even more special. She was amazing.

I climbed off Maddie and began getting dressed again. Maddie quickly pulled on the gown.

Once we were all dressed again, but naturally my clothes were tousled slightly and disarrayed, I kissed her again before leaving the hospital wing.

When I reached the common room, James, Sirius and Lily looked up. Lily broke into a knowing grin.

"So Remus, did you finally screw Maddie?" Sirius asked stonily with a cold expression.

I went over to him, clenched my fist, drew my arm back and punched Sirius in the jaw.

Sirius went down.

"Mooney, what the hell are you doing?" Sirius cried as he put his hand on his jaw where I'd punched him.

"I don't appreciate you talking like that," I snapped glaring at him.

"Well, sorry mate," Sirius said coldly. "How about this: Did you finally have sex with Maddie?'"

I knew he was just being a jerk, so I ignored him until Lily put a hand on my shoulder.

"Did you, Mooney?" she asked softly.

I turned to her.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

Lily smiled and patted my arm.

"Well, looks like you've joined the club," James said as he came over to me.

"What club?" I demanded eyeing him.

"The club where our girlfriends are totally in love with us and want more than the first time," James grinned.

"I agree with the first part, but I don't care if Maddie wants to do it again. I love her," I said scowling but then my expression softened when I realized James' expression wasn't cold like Sirius', but soft and caring as well.

"Sorry James," I apologized. "But I have a plan as to why I joined the Dark Lord. I'm going to spy on him and alert the Ministry of his every action."

"Remus, that's really dangerous!" Lily gasped. "If he ever finds out that's why you joined him, he'll kill you for sure!"

"Better me than Maddie," I said turning to her. "And I'll be really careful…I promise. You guys know I'd never REALLY turn over to him right?"

Lily and James nodded, but Sirius hesitated.

Lily caught the hesitation and rounded on Sirius.

"You would actually believe that Remus would turn over?" she cried. "Why on earth would you ever even THINK that?"

"Remus has been acting funny lately," Sirius replied shortly. "Even for him."

"Because he's in love you halfwit," Lily snapped. "When you fall in love you'll know what we're talking about."

Sirius just muttered something before turning and heading out of the common room.

Maddie was released from the hospital wing a few days later. She blushed furiously when Lily talked about what she and I had done.

MADDIE.

Remus, James, Lily and I were all just sitting around the fire place, enjoying each others company. I was sitting next to Remus with one leg tucked underneath me. I had let my hair fall around my shoulders in gentle waves. I was in a dark red nightgown. We were all sitting around in our pajamas.

James told me that Remus had punched Sirius because of the way he asked him if Remus and I'd slept together. Sirius came back into the common room and spied me.

He immediately came over to me, grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me.


	7. The Call

Return To Innocence

Chapter 7-The Call

When Sirius pulled back, I stared at him for a brief moment before I slapped him.

"What was that for?" James asked looking stunned himself, but it was Remus who I was keeping an eye on.

He went completely white as a sheet.

"Why the hell did you kiss me?" I demanded angrily.

"Because I am in love with you too," Sirius said.

I froze.

There was a heavy feeling in the air as though someone had dropped a bomb in the common room.

Remus couldn't speak, but I somehow managed to find my voice.

"Sirius," I began but he shook his head, cutting me off.

"Look, I know you're in love with Remus…I just wanted to let you know. Sorry mate for kissing your girl like that. It was an impulse and I should've never done it," Sirius apologized to Remus.

All Remus could do was nod.

Sirius then turned and headed into the boys' dorm.

"Wow," James said his blue eyes wide behind his glasses. "I never expected that."

"Neither did I," Lily said then turned her eyes onto me.

Remus cleared his throat finally and just shifted his eyes onto the fire that crackled softly.

"I'll set Sirius straight later," I said softly. "I don't want to hurt him either. He's a good guy."

Lily and James nodded.

"Okay, I'm pooped," James said yawning and stretching. "I'm gonna head to bed. Good night guys."

"Night," Remus and I said in unison with Lily.

Lily soon followed leaving Remus and I alone. I took a seat next to Remus and snuggled up against his arm, linking my arm around his and resting my cheek against his shoulder. But to my surprise, he pulled away.

"What's the matter?" I asked startled as I turned to face him with a worried expression on my face.

"Nothing," Remus muttered turning his face away.

"Remus, I know you…spit it out," I said.

Remus turned and faced me.

"I am just scared of losing you that's all," he admitted quietly. "When I saw Sirius kiss you I was really shocked and hurt."

"I didn't kiss him back, Mooney…remember that," I said softly.

"Did you want to?" Remus asked quietly.

I looked at him like he was mental.

"Absolutely not!" I cried. "Remus, you're the one I love alright? What's bringing this on all of a sudden?"

Remus leaned close so that our faces were inches apart.

"Because if something happens to me, I don't want you to be alone and miserable," he said quietly staring into my eyes. "If I die, then I want you to be with Sirius. I was thinking of this last night. So I'm going to tell Sirius the plan."

"What? What are you talking about Remus? You're not going to die. Stop talking like that," I said feeling my throat aching with disappointment and pain.

Remus took my face in his hands and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Mads, I joined Lord Voldemort," he said clearly not afraid of speaking his name. "To spy on him. I seriously doubt it could have a good ending if he finds out why I really joined him."

"He won't find out!" I cried as the tears spilled over and streaked down my cheeks. "You're going to be fine!"

Remus looked at me with a grave expression.

"I can't be sure…but again, I don't want you to be lonely in the world IF something does happen to me okay?"

I burst into tears and just slumped against him, pressing my face into his chest deeply. I felt his arms encircling me tightly. I tightly wrapped my arms around him as well. I loved him so much.

Remus rested his chin on top of my head and he exhaled.

"Don't worry okay?" he whispered as he arched his head slightly so that he was whispering in my ear. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

I pulled back from the embrace.

"Fine, but what about something happening to you?" I demanded as tears still kept flowing.

I turned and left the common room.

REMUS.

I stared after Maddie. I sighed and headed to Professor Dumbledore's office. I was going to tell him of my plan.

I headed up to the office and stood on the golden stairs that had a phoenix with his wings spread at the top in gold as the stairs began circling, bringing me up to Dumbledore's office.

I knocked on Professor Dumbledore's door.

"Come in," he called.

I entered.

The Headmaster was sitting behind his desk. His blue eyes twinkled behind his half moon spectacles when I entered.

"Hello Remus," he said pleasantly. "What can I do for you?"

I sat in the chair.

"I joined Lord Voldemort," I blurted out.

For a moment, Professor Dumbledore looked absolutely shocked and stunned but I babbled on.

"But I only joined him to spy on him and to protect Maddie," I continued. "I would never really turn to him but I want him caught so I figured this would be the best way to do it…to spy on him."

Realization dawned on Dumbledore's face.

"Remus," he said quietly. "It's very dangerous what you just did, but I understand WHY you did it…to protect someone you care about. But if Lord Voldemort finds out that the real reason you joined him was to spy on him and feed information to the Ministry, he'll kill you without hesitation. Are you aware of that?"

I nodded.

"But is Maddie?"

Again I nodded.

"I mean are you aware that you will cause Maddie MORE pain because you deliberately put yourself in harms way? If she loses you," Dumbledore said kindly.

I sighed. "I just want to protect her, sir, that's all,"

"I think the only way to protect her is to leave her be," Dumbledore said kindly.

I sighed.

"I don't approve of this because of how dangerous it is," Dumbledore said quietly. "But I will help you. I'll alert the Ministry as to what you're doing then we can come up with some kind of code to transfer what Lord Voldemort is doing without him even suspecting anything."

"What about the Muggle wire?" I suggested. "The Muggle Law Enforcement uses it to catch criminals in confessions."

Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled. "I don't think the Dark Lord would ever expect that. He would be expecting something magical…so yes that might be a good idea. Go to bed and tomorrow we'll see what the Ministry has to say."

I nodded and left Dumbledore's office.

MADDIE.

I was angry at Remus for only thinking of himself. He wasn't listening to just how dangerous this situation really was. If Lord Voldemort found out that Remus betrayed him, forget it. I shuddered to think of what he would do although I already knew the answer…he'd kill Remus.

The next morning at breakfast, I was sitting at the Gryffindor table. Lily, James and Sirius were already there. Remus came down shortly looking bright and cheerful for some reason. He took a seat across from me and began helping himself to some of the crumpets and pancakes.

"Morning," he said.

I ignored him.

"I take it you slept well?" Sirius asked Remus.

The two of them had managed to make up and they were now friends after that little 'fight' they had. Lily told me what it was about.

"Just fine," he said. "I just got word from Professor Dumbledore from the Ministry that they liked my idea of spying on the Dark Lord. They approved of the Muggle method of 'bugging' someone. So the Auror's will be able to listen to the Dark Lord's plans first hand from the Ministry. If I should get into any trouble, they'll Apparate in a second."

I felt his eyes on me.

Sirius just shook his head and James swallowed, and tried to look happy.

"That's good Remus," he said at last. "Just come back to us in one piece alright?"

Lily was silent and it was me who finally blew up.

"That's not the point!" I shouted at him. "The point is putting yourself in harms way! He's ruthless, cruel, cold and uncaring! He won't think twice about killing you!"

Remus calmly stood up.

"Maddie, please," he pleaded. "Let me explain…"

He went to grab my arm to lead me out of the Great Hall, but I jerked my arm out of the way.

"Just go," I said coldly as angry tears formed in my eyes. "See if I care if something happens to you."

With that, I left the Hall, leaving my breakfast untouched.

I headed out onto the grounds. The cold wind whipped my hair around my face and stung my tear stained cheeks. I began sobbing quietly. I heard someone coming up behind me. I whirled around. It was Sirius.

"Remus wanted me to tell you that he loves you more than life and would never hurt you," Sirius said swallowing.

"What? He didn't have the balls to tell me himself so he sends a lap dog?" I asked icily. "And some way of showing me he loves me…by joining the Dark Lord to_ spy_ on him! Of all the stupid, selfish things, that has to take the cake and he's hurting me now."

Sirius put his hands on my shoulders. Before I knew it, I'd slumped into Sirius' arms and pressed my face into his chest. I burst into tears and just cried. I wrapped my arms around Sirius' midsection. Sirius wrapped his arms around me tightly and just held me.

REMUS.

My heart was breaking because Sirius had come back about 20 minutes later and told me that Maddie was completely crushed, but I knew I had to do this.

"I hope you know what you're doing, mate," James said looking at me. "Just be careful alright?"

Tylus Apparated that afternoon near the Forbidden Forest. Lord Voldemort wanted me now. I told James, Lily and Sirius who he was.

Lily hugged me next.

"Please come back to us okay?" she whispered.

Sirius gave me a hug also as soon as she had let go.

"Keep an eye on Maddie alright?" I whispered to him. "Take care of her for me. I'll be back soon I promise."

Sirius nodded.

Maddie had refused to join us outside and was now in the library. James gave me a quick hug too. I glanced up at the castle, wishing Maddie was here.

I headed over to Tylus.

"Come with me," he said.

He took my arm and we both Apparated off the grounds. I had the little wires taped to my bare chest and it was on right now. Back at the Ministry, a group of Auror's were listening to every detail.

We Apparated into an opened moor. A dense fog hovered above the damp dew covered ground. Lord Voldemort was dressed in the usual hooded robe, obscuring his face from view.

"Lupin," his cold voice drawled. "Excellent. I have the first job for you to take care of."

I shivered under my Gryffindor robe and uniform. It was chilly out and I'd wished I'd pulled on my cloak.

"Really?" I cleared my throat. "And what would that be?"

Lord Voldemort stepped closer.

"I want you to kill Tylus,"

Tylus' eyes widened in fear and shock.

"Wh-what?" I stammered. "Why?"

"Because I don't need him anymore. I have you," he said cruelly.

Tylus was frightened and began stuttering.

"Kill him, Lupin," Lord Voldemort snapped.

"W-Where are we?" I stammered, stalling.

"3 Miles from Manchester," Voldemort said. "Now KILL him and stop stalling!"

I reached into my robe and shakily pulled out my wand. I aimed it at Tylus.

Tylus began pleading not to kill him.

"Do it," Voldemort ordered. "Or I swear I will kill that witch of yours for fun."

_Maddie…_

I swallowed and suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I shut my eyes with my wand aimed at Tylus.

"_Avada Kedavra,_" I whispered.

I heard a 'thud' then silence.

"Good," Voldemort said pleased.

I opened my eyes. Tylus was lying face down on the grass. I dropped to my knees, completely shocked at what I had just done.

"Now you may go back to that pitiful school," Voldemort said. "Until I need you again. Tell anyone what you're doing and in a flash that witch of yours is dead…got it?"

I nodded.

He vanished, and I Apparated back to Hogwarts.

MADDIE.

Remus had Apparated back. Lily had rushed into the library to tell me the news. He had only been gone for a few hours.

"He's okay," Lily said relieved. "Un-Harmed."

"Yeah for how long?" I snapped and slammed the book shut that I was reading. The bang echoed through the library like a wave. "It's only a matter of time before Mr. Evil himself finds out the real reason behind Remus' sudden affection for the 'Dark Side' of things."

Lily looked at my sympathetically and put an arm around my shoulders. I got up and suddenly, the library swayed before my eyes. I grabbed onto Lily's shoulder for support.

"Whoa," I said clutching her shoulder.

"You okay? What's wrong?" Lily demanded anxiously.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I said and sure enough, I vomited right there, narrowly missing Lily's shoes.

I was just sitting on one of the hospital cots in the hospital wing. Lily was sitting beside me, stroking my hair. I was leaning forward with my elbows resting on my thighs and my hands propping up my forehead. My hair fell forward. A bucket was between my ankles.

Remus, James and Sirius came bursting into the hospital wing.

"Is she alright?"

"What's happened?"

"Is she going to be okay?"

Remus dropped to his knees in front of me and put his hands on my knees. He reached up and gently tucked a strand of my blond hair behind my ear.

"Slow down," Lily said. "She's fine. She got sick in the library…she's going to be fine."

"She's right," Madam Pomfrey said brightly coming over to us. "The both of them are going to be just fine."

"Meh? Come again?" Sirius asked looking up at Madam Pomfrey.

"The both of them…Miss Weston is pregnant,"

Remus' eyes rolled up into his head and he fell sideways as he passed out.


	8. The Valentines Day Nightmare

Return To Innocence

Chapter 8-The Valentines Day Nightmare

Remus was brought around again by the Muggle remedy of Smelling Salts. Outside, a thunderstorm had come around. Rain pelted against the glass and streaked down it. Lightning flashed illuminating the inside of the hospital wing and thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said looking at Remus with respect. "When you do something, Mooney you really do it pal!"

Lily gave Sirius a scowl, but she continued to stroke my hair.

Remus shakily got back on his feet, leaning against James.

"A-Are you sure?" he asked Madam Pomfrey.

"Positive," she said. "I checked her over myself."

"That's wonderful news!" Lily gushed.

A bout of nausea rolled over me and I vomited into the bucket.

"That's just nasty," Sirius cringed taking his eyes off Maddie and pretended to be interested in an empty cot.

"Can I please talk to her in private?" Remus asked.

"Sure pal," James said as he gestured to Lily and Sirius to follow him out of the hospital wing.

Once they left, Remus sat beside me.

"Maddie that is really wonderful news!" he said.

"You're happy?" I asked, my voice sounding rough and coarse from the vomiting. "Why? This time you can have two people who love you and you can leave alone in the world."

Remus sighed.

"Please…can we stop fighting? I hate this,"

"And I hate what you're doing!" I snapped rounding on him. "I have a bad feeling alright? And it isn't going away."

"What's your bad feeling?" Remus asked patiently staring into my eyes.

"That you're going to die," I finished bluntly. "That I'm not going to see you again."

Remus just slipped his arms around me and drew me close. His arms were strong, yet gentle. I'd forgotten that he had calming effect on me.

"It's nothing," he whispered to me. "Please. I promise you I'm not going anywhere…okay?"

I just sobbed.

"I love you, Maddie," Remus whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back. "More than life."

Remus just held me for a while.

"So," he said releasing me. "Are you happy about the baby?"

"Yeah," I smiled at him. "You?"

"Absolutely," he said.

A short while later, we left the hospital wing.

Lily, James and Sirius immediately wanted to make sure that I was okay.

Remus blushed when Sirius began teasing him, but didn't stop until I smacked him up the back of the head.

Things were back to normal between us again, but again, I didn't know for how long with that feeling I had.

February rolled around. Valentines' Day was in 4 days. I was now about a month pregnant. You still couldn't tell. James teased me that when I hit the 8th month, they were going to have to widen the doorways for me to get through.

I scowled and playfully went to give him a wedgie.

Lord Voldemort hadn't called on Remus yet. I relaxed a little, but not completely. Remus seemed a bit different now. He was a bit more protective over me and a lot more withdrawn. I wasn't sure if it was because of the baby coming, or something had happened on that first call that he wasn't telling any of us.

I decided to ask him.

En Route to Herbology, I pulled him aside.

"Remus, what's going on? You seem different…what happened on that first call?" I whispered, keeping my voice low.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"You're acting strangely," I said cocking my head to one side. "You're really protective over me and yet withdrawn. What happened?"

Remus smiled, but I saw right through it.

"I'm just protecting you and the baby," he said affectionately putting a hand on my now flat stomach.

"Don't give me bullshit," I said folding my arms over my chest. "I can see through that fake smile. Something happened…didn't it? What did He make you do?"

Remus hesitated.

"I'm sorry. I can't tell you, Mads," he said solemnly.

"And why not? Now you've got some kind of secret club?" I demanded.

"No! It's not that," he shook his head.

By now, all the students had entered the greenhouses leaving Remus and I alone in the corridor.

"Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you!"

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't! Geeze Maddie! Why do you keep insisting something happened and when I say I can't tell you, I can't tell you!" Remus snapped.

I lifted my chin up.

"Because you're withdrawn, numbnuts!" I snapped back. "What did He have you do that was so terrible that you aren't able to share it with me? It's ME Remus! You know ME!"

"He had me kill Tylus!" Remus shouted at the same time and stared at me for a bit. "He threatened that if I told he'll kill you. Now you're in danger because you had to nag me about it."

My eyes briefly flashed.

"Nag? Well fine, excuse me for caring about you!" I snapped at him. "Next time don't worry…if you drop dead somewhere I won't NAG."

I went to brush past him, but he grabbed my elbow and spun me around to face him.

"I'm sorry," he apologized looking truly guilty. "I shouldn't've snapped at you…but now _you're _in danger! He told me that if I told anyone, he'd kill you."

He stepped closer and tilted my chin up so my head tilted back, facing him.

"I've got you to protect me right?" I asked.

"Absolutely," he smiled.

We headed outside, getting drenched from the rain just going from the corridor out onto the grounds and to the greenhouses.

My hair was drenched and water droplets dripped off the tips. My uniform and robe were soaked too. Remus was soaked as well. Water rolled down his face and neck. His hair was matted to his head like a helmet.

We entered the greenhouses. The rest of the students were all standing around small spider looking plants, talking amongst themselves and wearing dragon skin gloves. We spied Lily, James and Sirius and headed over to them.

"You guys look like you went for a dip in the lake," Lily said taking out her wand and immediately blasting me with hot air to dry me off.

"It's pouring out there," Remus said. "Um, we have to go back out in it. She's only going to get drenched again."

His lip twitched.

Lily looked embarrassed.

"It's alright," I said softly. "Don't worry about it."

"Today, we're learning about Traclines," Professor Ellis said brightly. "They're poisonous to the touch, hence the gloves. What I want from each of you is a parchments' worth on how the Traclines react to moving to a different pot. Then, I want a two parchment essay on the benefits in the medical field. Due next Friday."

We began working. Lily leaned close to Remus.

"No 'calls' lately?" she whispered meaningfully.

Remus shook his head.

I was silent. I didn't feel like joining in on their conversation. I knew that life without Remus was going to be extremely hard. I didn't know why I was thinking like this though. He was alive and right beside me now. But something was pulling me down for the future. I couldn't explain it at all.

I told Lily everything the night before. She even admitted that she was having a bad feeling about it as well. James and Sirius just pushed it off as paranoid, but I saw through them too. They were worried as well.

I gently placed one of the Traclines into a new pot and quickly put fresh soil down. Remus' arm was lightly brushing against mine. I could feel how soaked he was from the rain.

After class, we headed out back into the rain and sure enough, I got drenched again. Lily looked at me sheepishly but I just shook my head and told her not to worry about it.

She was only looking out for my welfare.

We entered the castle again and quickly dried off.

Valentines Day rolled around. James had bough Lily a beautiful pair of earrings that really brought out her emerald green eyes.

The Great Hall was decorated in red hearts and cherubs.

Lily and James headed off to spend some alone time. I felt bad for Sirius. He looked lonely, something I'd never thought I'd see in him. All over the castle, couples were holding hands.

"This is disgusting," Sirius muttered before he headed off to the library.

Remus took my hand and led me up to the fourth floor.

"We're not supposed to be up here," I said nervously.

"Relax," Remus said grinning broadly. "We won't get caught I promise."

He gently pushed me into an empty classroom and I froze.

He had set up a table with candles lit and a rose standing in a vase in the center of the table.

"This is so sweet," I said looking at him.

He gave a little bow and we sat down.

There were no food plates or anything, so I really began wondering what on earth he had in store for me. He seemed even more nervous than usual.

Remus reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out a small velvet box. My heart skipped a beat as it pounded loudly in my chest.

"I-I wanted to ask you this for a long time, but…well, you know," he said blushing. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" I cried happily as he slipped it onto my finger.

We stood up and I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly and then kissing him.

He hugged me back just as tightly and then released me.

"Let's go tell the others," he said grinning.

We left the fourth floor.

As soon as we told James, Lily and Sirius, they were totally thrilled. James and Sirius were giving Remus a high-five.

Lily squealed and hugged me as well.

The rest of the day went by smoothly and that night we all headed off to bed.

That night I dreamed and tossed and turned:

_I saw Lord Voldemort standing with Remus and I saw myself standing there, but it was like Remus and Lord Voldemort couldn't see me or hear me…soon, about 10 Auror's Apparated beside Lord Voldemort and Remus._

_I saw Lord Voldemort sneer at Remus before the Auror's pulled their wands out and aimed it at Lord Voldemort. Just as the Auror's cast a spell toward Voldemort, Voldemort pulled out his wand and aimed it at Remus. I saw a jet of green light shoot directly toward Remus, hitting him in the chest. Remus froze for a second, dropped to his knees and then fell forward. I screamed._

"Maddie!" I heard a female voice cry alarmed and I felt someone shaking me urgently.

I sat bolt upright in bed, still screaming my head off. My body was sweaty and my hair stuck to my shoulders and cheeks in damp strands.

I was clutching the edge of the sheet and quilt.

I finally stopped screaming and felt that my throat was raw from the screaming.

"Maddie! What on earth happened?" the female voice asked again.

I turned and saw that it was Lily. She had a concerned look on her face. At this point, everyone was wide awake and the lights were on.

I blinked for a moment before my stomach lurched and I leaned over the side of the bed and vomited.

REMUS.

I was deep in sleep when I heard Maddie's scream coming from the girls dorm. I immediately threw off my covers and jumped to my feet. The boys' dorm was still dark, only the silver light of the crescent moon poured in through the window.

I tore out of the boys dorm and stepped into the common room.

I was dressed in a white tee shirt and navy sweat pants.

Sitting on the couch with Lily's arms around her, was Maddie. She had a bucket sitting between her legs on the floor and she was leaning over it, her blond hair dangling above the rim. Lily struggled to keep her hair pulled back away from her face. Professor McGonagall was standing there as well.

"What's going on?" I demanded urgently looking from Lily, to Maddie to Professor McGonagall.

"Mr. Lupin, please go back to sleep," Professor McGonagall said softly. "I'm taking care of things here."

"What happened?" I demanded again, ignoring Professor McGonagall and taking a seat beside Maddie on her right side.

"She woke up screaming her head off," Lily said looking upset. "Then she just leaned over the side of the bed and vomited."

"It's not morning sickness, is it?" I asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, it's 11 pm,"

"What happened, Maddie?" I asked turning my eyes onto her.

Maddie slowly raised her head and wiped the corner of her mouth with her wrist. She inhaled and pulled her hair back away from her face.

"I had this horrible nightmare that Voldemort killed you just before the Auror's got him," she explained in a watery voice from the vomiting.

"It was just a nightmare," Professor McGonagall said soothingly. "Nothing more."

Maddie however, looking unconvinced.

"She's right," Lily said softly stroking Maddie's hair.

Maddie still didn't believe her.

Lily gave Maddie's hair another stroke before turning to me.

"Maybe you can talk to her," Lily said softly and pleadingly. "She always listens to you."

Professor McGonagall left and Lily entered the girls' dorm again.

"What's going on?" I asked softly and gently.

Maddie raised her chocolate brown eyes to meet mine.

"I told you…I had the dream that Voldemort killed you just before the Auror's got him," she explained again.

"It was just a dream," I said soothingly. "You should know that dreams don't mean anything."

"Yeah well this time it feels like more than a dream," Maddie muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"It feels like a premonition," she replied staring into my eyes. "Like I had seen the future."

"Mads," I said sighing as I pulled her close. She rested her cheek against my shoulder as I stroked her hair also. "Just forget it alright?"

Maddie was silent.


	9. Changes

Return To Innocence

Chapter 9-Changes

MADDIE

I was silent. I knew something bad was going to happen. I just KNEW it.

I pulled back from Remus' embrace and turned my face up to his.

"I can't explain it, Moony," I said quietly. "But I know something bad is going to happen!"

Remus tilted my face up to meet his.

"Listen," he said quietly. "Stop dwelling on it okay? Nothing's going to happen to me alright? I'll be careful…trust me."

He gently kissed me and I returned the kisses just as softly and gently.

After he kissed me, we hugged again. I held onto him tightly as though I never wanted to let him go again.

"Mads? I can't breathe hun," he said in a choked voice.

"Sorry," I apologized as I released him a little bit.

Remus just smiled and shook his head.

We headed off back to bed.

The next morning, we headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Lily, James and Sirius were already at the Gryffindor table eating pancakes.

"Hey guys," Sirius said looking up as we entered. "Everything alright?"

"How are you feeling, Maddie?" James asked looking at me.

"Much better," I lied.

What was I going to tell them? That I still had a horrible feeling that something was going to happen to Remus? They would just pass it off as paranoia or stress relating to school.

Remus glanced at me funny, but said nothing.

"Well," Lily said brightly. "We have a break today. Classes have been suspended."

"Why?" I asked helping myself to some sausages.

"Not sure," Lily frowned. "But Dumbledore told us about 5 minutes before you guys came into the Hall. I think something happened to one of the students."

My ears pricked up.

"You're kidding," I said shocked. "Did he give any details?"

Lily shook her head.

"No," she said. "But I don't think it's good news."

Remus and I exchanged looks.

Sure enough, about 10 minutes into breakfast, Professor Dumbledore stood up and the Hall got eerily quiet with respect. No one dared to talk while Dumbledore was about to make a speech.

"I have some rather grave news," he began solemnly. "One of your fellow classmates have been killed. I found his body near the Greenhouses early this morning around 2 am."

Gasps went around as well as murmurs.

"He had been killed with the Killing Curse," Dumbledore continued. "I ask that if anyone has any information please step forward."

"Who was it?" a Slytherin called up to him.

Dumbledore's blue eyes moved onto the boy.

"Alex Carter,"

Now we were really stunned.

I could see Lily and James were just as stunned if not morally shocked.

"Alex?" Lily whispered keeping her voice low. "Who would want to snuff him out?"

"I don't know," James said.

"Maybe someone who was annoyed with his flirting?" Remus suggested.

We felt uneasy.

Rumor's began going around, stating that someone from his past had done it, or one of his old girlfriends.

Naturally, the old girlfriends were targeted for questioning and whatnot by other students as well as the Professors.

They had nothing to do with it. It was a real mystery.

That night, while they we sat in the Common room, in front of the fire, Remus voiced something that sent chills down our spines.

"Okay," he said slowly as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. The orange light from the fire reflected off his green eyes. He was sitting on the couch next to me. "I know this sounds a bit crazy, but suppose there is a spy here in the castle?"

We fell silent.

"What?" James asked turning to him. "A spy? How can that be?"

Remus turned to him. "Think about it…the Professors questioned EVERYONE here, including the Slytherins, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and our house. No one was out of bounds at 2 am. Professor Dumbledore put a charm on each person he questioned so they wouldn't lie. It was a lot faster than the Veritaserum serum. But the point is no one was out at that hour. So it has to be someone that we don't know about or that we haven't seen yet."

Lily went pale. "Do you really think that's the case?" she asked quietly looking scared.

Remus sighed. "I don't know for sure, but that definitely sounds like a plausible explanation right?"

James nodded gravely. "I suggest that we stick together and keep an eye on one another. Do not go off wandering alone by yourself. Stay with someone."

"Good idea," Remus said nodding. "I think we should tell Dumbledore our theory too."

"I'll do that," James offered. "Be right back."

James left the common room and the portrait swung closed behind him.

"That's really scary," Lily said hugging herself. "To think that there's someone sneaking around on the grounds that the teachers don't even know about that's extremely dangerous."

I nodded. "I know,"

About a half hour later, James still hadn't returned.

"Okay now I'm getting really worried," Lily said getting up from the chair and she began pacing the common room.

"I agree," Remus said as he too stood up. "He should've been back by now."

I stood up and suddenly, a sharp pain shot across my abdomen and skull. I cried out and grabbed Lily's arm. I was slightly bent over as I dug the heels of my palms into my forehead.

My ears momentarily felt clogged and my eyes burned slightly. My nose picked up the faintest smells.

I heard voices muffled by the clogged ears.

After a few minutes, the heaviness in my ears went away and I was able to hear everything really sharply, including Remus and Lily's heart beating and their blood rushing through their veins. I opened my eyes. I was seeing normally now, but I was able to detect the faintest movements in the common room.

I shook my head.

"Are you alright?" Remus demanded worriedly as his face was filled with concern.

"Yeah," I said. "Why's your heart beating so loudly?"

Remus' face drained of all color. He sat on the chair and was completely pale.

"Remus? What's the matter?" Lily demanded also looking at him worriedly.

We were watching him closely.

"Oh my God, Maddie…I'm so sorry," he apologized looking completely guilty.

"What are you sorry about?" I asked confused. "You didn't do anything to me."

Remus swallowed.

"On the contrary," he whispered quietly. "I did."

Lily and I exchanged confused looks and we turned our attention back to Remus.

"That night we slept together," he continued. "Something happened."

"Yeah," I said. "We created a life."

Remus shook his head. "Beside that," he said and swallowed again. "I'm afraid I gave you the 'curse'."

We looked at him shocked.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked him.

"I gave Maddie the werewolf curse," he exhaled looking like he'd vomit at any given moment.

"How?" I asked. "Doesn't that only work if you bit me?"

Remus looked deadpan.

"Any body fluid," he replied. "Saliva, blood…well you get the picture."

Lily looked at me.

"So she's a werewolf now?" she asked slowly.

Remus nodded gravely.

He got up and stood in front of me and placed his hands on my arms.

"Maddie, believe me. I would've never intentionally given you the curse," he said guiltily. "I mean not the loving part…but the part where I completely forgot to tell you the risk."

"Besides getting pregnant?" I demanded.

Remus shook his head.

"That's not a risk, its' a blessing," he said. "But I'm really, really sorry Mads. I know this is a blow."

"Duh," I snapped.

Remus looked guilty even more.

"Wait. Let me guess…the baby's going to be one too…am I right?" I asked.

He nodded slowly.

"Wonderful," I said sarcastically. "A whole werewolf family. How quaint."

Remus' green eyes flashed briefly.

"I didn't hear you complaining earlier," he said coolly.

Lily shrank into a chair.

"Well that was before I knew I'd become a werewolf!" I said angrily. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I forgot!" he replied back.

"Forgot my ass," I snapped. "I know that memory of yours is as sharp as a knife."

"Fine!" he said shortly. "I was hoping that it wouldn't happen! Werewolves have been trying to breed like normal people, but their offspring always end up part werewolf. All they want is normal families."

I stood, completely stunned. I'd never known that's what was going on. I immediately felt awful and went to apologize, but Remus shook his head and left the common room.

I turned to Lily.

"Great," I muttered. "Now he hates me."

"Naw," Lily said softly. "I seriously doubt that. I think he's just upset that's all. I can understand why he did that though."

"Now I do myself," I muttered slapping my forehead with my hand. "Damn I'm such a moron."

"No," Lily said comfortingly. "You didn't know that's all."

So later on, we headed out for a walk on the grounds.

Remus avoided me all day. I really felt awful. I wanted to talk to him but he wouldn't come near me.

"He's acting like he hates me," I muttered that night at dinner as Remus took his meal to the other end of the table.

"I think he's just trying to sort out his feelings," Sirius said to me. "I don't think it has anything personal to do with you."

I sighed and let my forehead hit the table with a thud and began lightly banging my head on the table.

I felt Lily put an arm around me and give me a squeeze.

That night we headed off to bed. I climbed into bed and dozed off shortly.

The next morning, we headed back to the Hall…this time, Remus wasn't with us at all nor was he at the end of the table.

"Where is he?" I mused.

"Don't know," James said actually looking worried. "I woke up during the night and he wasn't there. Maybe he went for a stroll?"

Now, I was beginning to get worried and I mean REALLY worried.

"What if HE called him and we don't know about it?" I whispered to James, Lily and Sirius.

Their faces got pale.

As the day wore on, Remus still hadn't shown up. Now, I was really thinking that my explanation was plausible.

Sure enough, Professor Dumbledore called us into his office that afternoon.

"I have some rather distressing news," he said. "It appears that Remus was scene with a bunch of Death Eaters along Rollins Road, just a mile from Diagon Alley. It might not be nothing, he might not be taking part in whatever they're doing…but the fact is he was with them."

I felt an ache forming in my throat.

"What does this mean?"

"I'm not sure," Professor Dumbledore said looking at me with remorse and somberness. "But I'm hoping Remus knows what he's doing."

I glanced at Sirius and James. They were also pale and looked on the verge of vomiting. Lily was sobbing quietly. I don't think either of them really know or believe that Remus would actually be walking with the Death Eaters. It was really a blow.

"My only fear is that Lord Voldemort finds out that Remus is really spying on him," Dumbledore said gravely. "It's not going to look too good."

I exhaled loudly.

"I know," I whispered. "I'm scared for him."

"I understand that you're pregnant?" Dumbledore asked gently and I nodded.

"Make sure you don't stress yourself out too much…it won't be good for the baby."

I managed to give him a weak smile before we got up and left the office.

Alex Carter peered out from under the Invisibility cloak in Professor Dumbledore's office.

He sneered.

_So…the wolf is a spy? How interesting! Voldemort would LOOVE to know what's going on?_

He Apparated out of the office. No one knew he had been there. You gotta love that Invisibility Cloak. It does wonders when you want to find things out without anyone knowing it.

Once he reached the location just outside Diagon Alley where the rest of the Death Eaters were gathered, he saw Lupin standing nervously by a Death Eater called Malfoy. He was dressed in the robes and his robe was pulled over his head, but Alex knew it was him. Voldemort was nearby as well.

"What did you find out, Carter?" Voldemort asked.

"I have some rather interesting news…" Alex smirked.


	10. The Spy

Return To Innocence

Chapter 10-The Spy

REMUS

I watched as Alex whispered to Lord Voldemort. Something in my gut was saying that this wasn't good.

I nervously swallowed.

They had forced me to come with them to raid Diagon Alley. My mind though was on Maddie and the baby.

I was scared for them. But on one hand, Voldemort didn't know I had told Maddie what I was doing here yet there was that nagging feeling in my gut.

"Well now," Voldemort cooed. "We seem to have a real problem here."

I swallowed again.

"Really, master?" I asked, forcing my voice to remain calm even though deep down I was nervous.

"It seems that Alex has overheard that fool teaching at Hogwarts saying that you're really a spy for me," Voldemort said standing close to me and I could smell his breath. It smelled like decay and mold.

"Perhaps Alex misheard," I suggested keeping my eyes on Lord Voldemort.

"Perhaps not," Voldemort snickered.

I began slightly panicking. The Ministry was listening, so whenever I got to the point of panicking, all I had to do was say the key words: "Phoenix Reigns."

But I didn't dare say them yet.

With a flick of his wand, my robes opened and exposed the wiring below it.

Voldemort's eyes flashed.

"So Alex was right," he said in a joyful tone. "Well now…I will have much pleasure in killing you but first I'd like to torture you so you'll beg me to just kill you."

I braced myself.

"CRUCIO!" Voldemort spat.

My whole body felt like it was on fire and my legs twitched. I ended up falling to the ground and continued to twitch and writhe. Flashes of light went off before my eyes and I saw Maddie's face.

MADDIE.

I was sitting in Charms class when suddenly I felt like my whole body was being sent through fire.

I cried out and grabbed the edge of the desk.

"Maddie?" Sirius' voice asked nervously beside me. He and I had been partnered up for class. "What's wrong?"

After a few moments, the fire feeling vanished.

Professor Andrews was watching me with concern and worry.

"Are you alright dear?" he asked.

My breathing returned to normal and I pulled my hair over my shoulder.

"Yeah," I said nodding. "Just a sharp pain across my stomach."

"You are alright now? Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" Professor Andrews asked.

"No," I said softly, shaking my head. "I'm alright now."

He nodded and went back to the lesson.

Sirius nudged me.

"What's really going on?" he whispered.

"It felt like my whole body was on fire," I said to him, keeping my eyes on the back of the student in front of me, who was a boy named Eric Larsen. "And it had to do with Remus."

"How do you know?" Sirius whispered back copying down the notes.

"I can feel it," I whispered back. "Something is wrong…I know it."

"Don't go getting jittery, Maddie," Sirius said softly and kindly. "He'll be fine. He knows how to take care of himself."

With those words, I knew Remus was in grave danger.

Class ended an hour later and we left the classroom and headed up to the Gryffindor common room.

Professor McGonagall called us to Dumbledore's office later on that evening.

We all sat around his desk and nervously waited for whatever news he had for us.

"I just got word from St. Mungo's that Alex Carter's body didn't match the blood work," he said seriously.

"What does that mean?" James asked.

"It means that the body they have there, isn't Alex Carter's,"

I gasped. "You mean Alex is still alive?"

Professor Dumbledore nodded. "Yes and I have an awful feeling that he's working with Lord Voldemort,"

"Why?" Lily asked curiously.

"Why'd he fake his own death? It appears that he did that for a reason, a reason being that he didn't want anyone to find him which naturally leads to he was doing something that he really didn't want people to know about. Who or what else would that mean? The Dark Lord for sure,"

"Yeah, but why?" Sirius asked again picking up Lily's question.

Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes momentarily twinkled behind his half moon spectacles. "I'm not sure of that but I'm guessing Lord Voldemort promised him something…probably to become one of the powerful wizards who will have girl's eating out of the palms of his hands so to speak,"

"That would be Alex," James said dryly.

"I just hope that they didn't find out Remus was spying," I said hugging myself. "But something is telling me that it's not good."

Professor Dumbledore put a hand on mine in a fatherly way. "Trust Remus…he can certainly handle himself,"

His lip twitched at that but I saw genuine fear behind those sparkling blue eyes.

He released us and we left the office heading back to the common room.

We sat around and just stared at the fire that crackled. I kept praying that Remus would return safe and sound.

9 MONTHS LATER.

"Push Maddie! One more!" Madam Pomfrey cried.

I was lying on my back on a cot, with my legs drawn and parted. I cringed and pushed with all my might.

Sirius was holding my hand, coaxing me. I pushed and heard a baby crying shortly. I breathed a sigh of relief and lowered my legs.

"It's a baby girl!" Madam Pomfrey gushed happily as she quickly cleaned off the baby and wrapped it in a pink blanket.

Sirius suddenly caught sight of the blood and his eyes rolled up into his head as he passed out and dropped to the floor.

James chuckled, as he and Lily rushed to help Sirius get to his feet. James went pale, but he didn't pass out.

"Oh God grow up," Lily rolled her eyes at James. "It's a miracle."

"Yeah," Sirius said weakly as we sat him down on a chair. "A miracle that she wasn't spitting out a dragon."

Madam Pomfrey gave him a Truil Potion to help his stomach and nerves.

Finally, when all was calm again, Madam Pomfrey placed the baby into my arms. She yawned and looked up at me with big green eyes.

"What are you going to name her?" Lily gushed happily peering down at the baby and gave the baby a big grin and gently touched the little hand.

"I'm not sure," I said. "I think that Remus would like Carrie."

"That's a beautiful name!" James said smiling at me.

I handed the baby back to Madam Pomfrey. She checked me over and I was fine. So was the baby.

It's been 9 months. We haven't heard from Remus or anything. The DE's raided Diagon Alley and killed about 20 people, including some former Hogwarts' students that were now studying to become teachers or work for the Ministry.

As of now, Remus was presumed dead but I knew and felt otherwise. I couldn't explain it.

Naturally once a month I changed, but Madam Pomfrey had given me a Monkshood Potion to put the transformations on 'hold' while I was pregnant.

Now however, I would be fully changing but there was another potion to ease everything.

The body that was in St. Mungo's was actually a girl in the same year as Alex was. But somehow was given a Poly Juice Potion so she looked like Alex. He must've done that himself.

I wasn't sleeping well, or eating well after I had Carrie. I was too nervous and worried about Remus.

"Maddie," Lily said patiently during breakfast 4 days later. "Maybe you should just accept the fact that he is…gone."

"No," I snapped slamming my fist on the table causing the silverware to jump and rattle. "I know he's not dead! I can feel it!"

Sirius put an arm around my shoulders.

"We know how much you loved him, we all did…but we have to be realistic…he hasn't contacted us or anything. No one's heard from him or the DE's in a while. Something is definitely going on."

"He's right," James said gravely.

"What's wrong with you three?" I demanded as I got up from the table. "You've lost your faith."

With that, I turned and left the Hall, leaving my breakfast untouched.

I stood in one of the opened corridors and leaned against the wall, staring out at the lake that shimmered under the weak sunlight that tried to break through the clouds. It was a gray day. The trees were bare of leaves and buds. It actually looked like it was going to storm any minute.

Carrie was staying with Madam Pomfrey while I went to my classes. I would be with her during the breaks.

The teachers were good about it and let me skip homework until I was back on my feet again.

I sighed.

I sensed someone coming up behind me. I started and turned around. It was Sirius.

"What?" I demanded returning my eyes onto the lake.

Sirius stood beside me and rested his arms on top of the windowsill.

"We know you miss him, Mads," he said softly and quietly.

"Don't call me that," I snapped at him. "Only Remus is allowed to call me that."

"Maddie," Sirius corrected himself. "We know how much you miss him…we all do but how do we know he's alive?"

"I just know it okay?" I snapped at him. "It's a gut feeling."

"Feelings can be wrong," he said reasonably and kindly. "We really don't know what's going on."

"He's alive!" I cried turning to him. "He's ALIVE DAMMIT!"

But I ended up breaking down. I slumped into Sirius' arms and pressed my face into his chest. I cried uncontrollably.

"He's alive," I sobbed shutting my eyes against the gently darkness of Sirius' robes. Sirius' arms encircled me, drawing me tighter against him. He rested his chin on top of my head.

Sirius continued to hold me tightly as I sobbed hysterically.

Sirius told me last week that Remus had pulled him aside 11 months ago and wanted him to take care of me incase Remus didn't make it. He said that Remus said he didn't want me to be alone.

I never thought that would actually end up coming true…but it looks that way. I continued to cry until I couldn't cry anymore.

REMUS.

Voldemort, Alex and the DE's were now standing around me in a circle in a graveyard a short distance from Hogwarts. Voldemort had tortured me for 9 months, using the Crucio curse. My body felt weak and drained. I had absolutely no fight left in me. Right now my mind kept showing me Maddie and how much I love her. I knew this was the end. But in 9 months, I didn't say the words yet. But I was going to.

"Well," Voldemort purred grinning. "I had a lot of fun torturing you. But as always, all good things must come to an end and this is definitely the end for you. How DARE you cross me like that! No one ever survives crossing me…NO ONE. So, say good-bye. You won't be seeing that pretty witch of yours anymore."

Voldemort raised his wand and aimed it at me.

"Phoenix Reigns," I croaked out.

There were several loud 'pops' and about 10 Auror's surrounded the DE's.

The Auror's had their wands aimed at the DE's and Voldemort.

"Clever, clever," Voldemort smirked.

"Drop the wands," one of the Auror's snapped at the DE's.

They opened fired at the Auror's, but they were sadly outnumbered. Shortly, the DE's were taken out leaving only Voldemort and the 10 Auror's all surrounding him.

"That was really clever, werewolf," Voldemort smirked. "But not clever enough…_AVADA KEDAVRA!_"

I saw the jet of green light coming toward me at the same time the Auror's took out Voldemort.

Just before the light hit me, flashes of my life went before my eyes. Getting the acceptance letter to Hogwarts…meeting James, Lily, Sirius and Peter…and Maddie…her face was the last thing I saw before the jet hit me directly in the chest. Blackness swallowed me up.

MADDIE.

I was still staring out at the lake when a flash went off before my eyes. I turned my head slightly to the left staring off into space.

In a swirling light of blue and white, I saw Remus on his knees and a jet of green light hit him directly in the chest. I saw him slump over.

The light vanished and I shook my head clearing it. Realization dawned on me. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I dropped to my knees.

I heard someone running toward me. It was Severus Snape.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

I kept screaming and sobbing.

I heard more footsteps and Lily, James and Sirius came running next.

"Shit what's wrong?" James asked worriedly as he dropped to his knees beside me.

"What did you do to her, Snivellus?" Sirius asked irritably.

"Nothing," he retorted sneering. "I came up on her screaming."

James grabbed my shoulders.

"Maddie! What's wrong?" he demanded putting his face close to mine.

"R-Remus! He-he's dead!" I screamed.

"Get Professor Dumbledore," Lily said to Severus.

Severus immediately took off back into the Hall. About 3 minutes later, Professor Dumbledore came out.

"What's going on?" he asked with concern.

"She says Remus is dead," Lily said going pale and swallowing.

Dumbledore crouched down beside James.

"How do you know that, Maddie?" he asked slowly and gently.

"I saw it! In my head!" I shrieked. "I saw Voldemort hit him with the killing curse!"

I was in hysterics.

At that moment, Professor McGonagall came running over to us.

"Albus, I have some news," she said. "I just got word from the Ministry of Magic that a few of the DE's have been caught along with Voldemort….and there was a casualty."

"Remus Lupin?" he asked quietly.

McGonagall nodded grimly and looked at me. There was a glimmering of tears in her blue eyes.

All eyes moved onto me. Remus was dead.


End file.
